The Great Equalizer

When you have loved ones who are aging and declining, it's hard to avoid facing death, and it is sobering. For some reason, the phrase "Death is the great equalizer" came to mind the other night, so I googled it. References to Shakespeare came up, but the Bible describes this far better than any literature could.

"The wages of sin is death" 

This statement certainly encompasses us all no matter our station in life, bank account, or IQ score. In Adam all die, and none of us are exempt. But the verse doesn't end there, thank God.

"but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord."

Death may be a great equalizer, but there's another far greater equalizer. The gospel. When it comes to salvation, there is nothing we can do to merit God's favor. No matter how good we think we are or what sort of spiritual lineage we think we have, those things are nothing. But there is also no one who has sunk beyond the reach of God's grace. There is one Savior for the pharisee, the publican, you, and me. Christ alone paid the debt that we could never pay. Christ alone lived the life we could never live. The only thing we bring to the table is our sin, but Christ brings everything.

There are brothers and sisters who I would disagree with doctrinally, but when we stand before the throne of God, we aren't going to be pulling out our theological resumes and showing them off. We will be bowing before the Lamb and saying that He is worthy.

And when, before the throne,

I stand in Him complete,

"Jesus died my soul to save,"

My lips shall still repeat.

Ten lessons for growing older

Life becomes harder and more complicated when you grow old. I'm not all the way there yet, but my parents are. We moved my mom into memory care a couple months ago, and I will be heading back in a few weeks to move my dad into assisted living. The packing and physical move were the easy part. The hard part is the emotional and mental adjustment to living in a new place, which is difficult for anyone let alone for someone with Alzheimer's or frail health. I'm thankful for my parents and how God has kept them, but I also want to use this situation to learn now before it becomes harder to do so. On the drive home, I shared with my daughter some lessons I want to learn while I still can. I wrote them down to help me remember. Maybe they will help you too.

1. Don't wait to de-clutter. The saying goes, "You can't take it with you," and maybe my daughter won't want to take it with her either. Ask what items would be meaningful to her and don't assume that she has the same attachment. Give things away so others can use and enjoy them now.

2. Accept my mortality. I will grow old and die barring Christ's return in my lifetime. Make plans accordingly in wisdom, not in fear. Prepared legal documents make decisions and transitions easier.

3. Accept my present limitations with humility and the limitations of others with compassion. This will prepare me as my limitations grow.

4. Learn to accept change and receive help now while it is easier to adjust. Refusing help and resisting change makes it harder for those who have my best interests at heart.

5. Learn to give up control. It's an illusion anyway because the Lord is the only one who is truly in control. To quote a good friend, "God's got it." I don't and realizing it will make the reality of not being in control much easier.

6. Invest in community. People and the memories we make with them matter more than stuff.

7. Cultivate patience. I will only need it more, not less, in the future.

8. Build a solid foundation of the doctrine of God. A small, weak, and truncated God will not withstand the trials of aging. "When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay."

9. Find my ultimate worth and meaning in Christ, not in what I do or in my physical and mental abilities.

10. While I should take care of this temple of the Holy Spirit, there is a better body awaiting for me that will never know what it is to be sick or to sin. Hope in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.

Photo credit: By Jules Grandgagnage [CC BY-SA 4.0  (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], from Wikimedia Commons
(Updated from a previous post on my personal blog.)

The Good Part — Preparing for Old Age and Death

We are thrilled to be able to post this piece written by our dear friend and former contributor Diane Bucknell.

“There are two things that elderly Christians, who have many long years believed and lived by faith in Christ, long for when they are nearing eternity. The first is, that all their spiritual backslidings will be healed and that they may be spiritually revived and recovered from all the spiritual declensions and decays to which they were liable in their daily walk with God. The other is that they may flourish in holiness and fruitfulness to the praise of God, the honor of the gospel, and the increase of their peace and joy. They value these things more than all the world.” ¹ –John Owen

My boomer generation has a serious problem with denial when it comes to aging and death. It’s driven, in part, by our culture’s worship of youth and beauty—60 is the new 40 and all that nonsense. I think advancements in modern medicine that prolong the inevitable have also contributed. Additionally, death has become so sanitized in western society that many people may never even see a dead person in their lifetime. More than ever before, we have been anesthetized to the reality that life is but a vapor and what we do in our short stay here will have eternal consequences.

 
But preparing for old age and death is something that hopefully, Christians begin doing when God saves us. Our battle against the world, the flesh, and the devil will rage against us until our last breath, and so we must continually fight against it whether we are 20 or 80.

So then, how can the Christian live in such a way that we will be as prepared as possible when we’re visited by affliction, the infirmities of old age, and ultimately our own death?

Written at the end of his life, Owen’s The Glory of Christ points us to the absolute necessity of daily meditating on the person of Christ in all His glory.

Some might think of meditation as something only mystics practice, but true Christian meditation doesn’t focus on “silence,” nor does it attempt to receive new revelation from heaven. The purpose of Christian meditation is to turn our thoughts as often as we can towards Him who loved and redeemed us. And what we know of Him can only be found through His Word. We don’t need to find a special place in order to meditate on the ever present person of Christ. Our thoughts can turn to Him wherever we are. And in so doing we will find comfort in our afflictions, hope in our sufferings, and joy in our everyday life. By this we are also preparing ourselves for that day when death, the last enemy, is swallowed up in victory as we pass from this life into His glorious presence.

And yet how easily our contemporary world distracts our thoughts with so much unnecessary clutter. Social media and television have increased our tendency to be distracted to a level the saints in times past could not have imagined. Regardless, there is still nothing new under the sun and the things we fill our minds with each day will guide our course as surely as the helm guides the ship. Our ruminations will impact our emotions, behavior, and can even effect our health. “A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

While it goes without saying that we need to put the brakes on entertaining evil thoughts, we can also veer off course in more subtle ways by focusing more on the good gifts than the Giver himself.

“Others are of a more noble mind and spend their time meditating on the works of creation and providence. This is a work worthy of our nature. But in all these there is no glory to be compared to with the Glory of Christ’s person.

Let us diligently study the Bible and the revelations of the glory of Christ revealed there. This is what Christ himself tells us to do and the prophets in the Old Testament show us how to do”. ²

If we are to prepare ourselves for the ravages of old age and dying, we need to be continually hitting the reset button to focus our attentions on that “good part.”

“but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part,

which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:24

---

¹The Glory of Christ, John Owen, Puritan Paperbacks, Abridged, Banner of Truth Trust; 1994;
pg. 141
²Ibid, pg. 31.

My only comfort in life, in death, and in the face of dementia

For the last several years, my daughter and I have been spending Christmas with family. I'm thankful for these times because it's always a joy to be with the people you love. However, there is a practical aspect as well. My parents are aging, so this is an opportunity for their children to reassess their current situation and consider any help they might need in the days ahead. These discussions aren't easy, though, because any increased care will take away some of their remaining independence. It's also a difficult adjustment as the role of caregiver has shifted from parents to children.

My mom has dementia, and although she is functioning to some degree, she isn't able to do what she used to do including simple tasks most people would take for granted. She also doesn't think she needs any help. But the progression of her disease is inevitable barring a medical breakthrough or divine intervention. My dad has gotten more frail this past year, and the weight of helping my mom has taken its toll when he is already dealing with his own health issues. I wish he had an outlet to express what he is feeling deep down because I am sure he is grieving. But given his age and background, opening up is probably not the easiest to do. He is only willing to say but so much before it becomes overwhelming. These changes seem more pronounced compared to the last time I saw them. This was also the first time I said goodbye to my parents wondering how many more times I would be able to see them in this life., and it hit me hard.

As we were driving home, I grieved for my parents. Dementia is so cruel because it robs a person from the inside out, and it inflicts such loss, not just on the sufferer but on the surrounding family too. But as I was praying, I asked myself - is this life and its eventual deterioration all my parents have to look forward to? And as I asked the Lord to comfort us, the first question of the Heidelberg Catechism came to mind:

What is your only comfort in life and in death?

As providence would have it, a few Sundays after returning home, my pastor preached a sermon on this very catechism question and answer. While this is not Scripture, it encapsulates so many scriptural truths and the blessings and security they bring. It speaks of the unmerited love of God that would save sinners at the cost of the blood of Jesus. It speaks of full forgiveness of sins and deliverance from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God. It speaks of a loving Father who will not let a single one of his children fall through the cracks and that all things work together for our salvation. So whether in life or death or in the face of dementia, we are not left to fend for ourselves, but we belong to a faithful Savior. And in the end, we will be with him forever, fully healed from every effect of the fall.

Since that sermon, I've returned to these words again and again as I pray for my family. I can't think of any source of lasting comfort unless we find it in God and the hope of our salvation.  Your situation may be different than mine, but I hope you will draw comfort from these words as well.

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and in death—to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.  Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia: Review and a Giveaway

Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia, John Dunlop MD, Crossway, 2017, 207 pages.

Dementia is a word that can strike fear in our hearts. Over 6 million Americans have dementia, and that number is only going to increase. One-third of seniors will die from this disease. In the face of these grim statistics, is there any hope? Is it possible to find the grace of God in the face of dementia?

Author, Dr. John Dunlop, believes this is possible. He is a practicing geriatrician with over 30 years experience. He has walked this path with both of his parents and his mother-in-law. And he is a brother-in-Christ who believes that God's grace is sufficient even for a disease such as this.

Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia covers medical information and practical advice such as:

- How do our brains normally work and what happens when they don't?
- What are the different types of dementia? How are they diagnosed? Can they be prevented and treated?
- What is the progression of the disease? What challenges do patients face and what changes will they undergo? How can we treat them with respect as people made in God's image?
- What is the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll on caregivers? What support can we give them? When is it time to consider a nursing home/memory care?
- How do we provide the best care and comfort at the end?

But in addition, this book addresses the spiritual side of the equation. There is a whole chapter devoted to how the church can help. The author gives suggestions for proactive teaching on suffering and honoring the image of God in all people, even when their bodies and minds fail them. I was especially encouraged that this trial can be a means of strengthening the faith of not only caregivers but for the patients themselves. This is an opportunity to grow in prayer as we grieve and make our requests known, but we can also grow in worship and thanksgiving for God's grace and provision. This gives the body of Christ avenues for demonstrating love through practical service. I also appreciated Dr. Dunlop's reminders from the Word of what awaits the Christian dementia patient when they have finished the race. They have hope for "the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting" where disease and death are no more and every tear is wiped away.

When I found out about this book, I was very eager to read it. My mother suffers from memory loss, and it is challenging to support my family from afar. There are decisions to be made and even more unknowns. Thus it seems overwhelming at times. The practical insight in Finding Grace has helped me better understand what my mom faces day to day, what to expect in the future, and considerations for her well-being and those ministering to her. It has reminded me again that God wasn't caught off guard by this diagnosis. He has a purpose, but He is not remote from this situation. The Lord loves her and is intimately involved in the concerns of my family. So I am thankful that Dr. Dunlop wrote this book for folks like me.

I highly recommend Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia for family members, friends, pastors, and for those who are diagnosed with this disease. It offers practical wisdom but also points us to the ultimate source of comfort - the God of all grace.

We are giving away a copy of Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia. Please enter your contact information below. The winner will be announced Tuesday, September 26. Thanks for entering!

(The giveaway has ended.)

You can purchase this book from Crossway | WTS Books | Amazon | CBD | Book Depository

 

Women in Scripture: Ruth and Naomi (Titus 2 in Reverse)

Ruth 1:16 But Ruth said (to Naomi), “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God."

Like most women, I've always had a particular affinity toward the portrait of redemption handed down in the story of Ruth. The sweeping tale of Boaz, the kinsman-redeemer, restoring the line of Elimelech by taking Naomi's daughter-in-law, Ruth, as his beloved wife upstages Disney by a mile. That such a noble man as Boaz would be willing to risk his own inheritance so that the inheritance of a deceased family member would be left intact defies conventional wisdom and truly boggles the rational mind. This is a man who understands love and covenant. Learning that the son of this Gentile widow and her kinsman-redeemer would not only become the grandfather of King David, but eventually would even be named in the bloodline genealogy of the Messiah, ought to inspire us all, especially those of us who were not born into the covenant and raised in the church.

An equally inspiring relational dynamic in this redemption story tends to be overlooked.  Ruth's relationship with her mother-in-law, Naomi, models something of a role reversal between the younger and older women. Both women suffered devastating losses, as told in first chapter of the narrative. During a time of great famine in the land of Moab, both Ruth and Naomi lost their husbands. Naomi suffered greatly in a land far from her original, because she not only lost her husband, but also both of her sons as well. Several times in the first chapter of Ruth, Naomi stated that she believed the Lord's hand had gone out against her. She even told Ruth and the other women to no longer call her Naomi, changing her name to "Mara" instead, which meant bitter. Naomi had grown bitter in Moab and believed the Lord had dealt bitterly with her by bringing great calamity upon her family.

After Naomi's pleas for Ruth to stay with her own family and with her Moabite god, Ruth, the younger woman, responded in a surprising way. Ruth, in faith, chose to bind herself to her mother-in-law Naomi, to Naomi's people, and to Naomi's God - the only One, true God. Ruth's dedication and commitment was no small sacrifice. Ruth chose to forsake her family, her ethnic culture, her past, and her previous belief system to follow Naomi into a completely different community and way of life.

Meanwhile, Naomi seemed have forgotten her true identity as child of the God. She lost her Biblical and covenantal perspective. Naomi's example is far from the Titus 2 ideal of the older woman of the covenant community. Yet, because of Ruth's covenant commitment to Naomi and her people, God not only restores Naomi to the covenant community, but He also provides a kinsman redeemer who blessed them both -- and eventually redeemed the rest of us, too. 

This was no ordinary friendship. The younger woman, Ruth, demonstrated real covenant commitment through active faith, love, and encouragement to the older woman, Naomi, to Naomi's people, and most especially to the Lord. Because of Ruth, the Lord redeemed the devastation that Naomi and Ruth experienced in Moab, while Elimelech and Naomi were separated from their covenant community. Because of Ruth, we see the Lord's providential provision to transform Naomi's life from an untimely tale of loss and discouragement to a phenomenal epic of life-giving rescue.  In this regard, the text and the older women in Naomi's life speak for themselves: 

Ruth 4:14 Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! 15 He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.”

We could use a new generation of younger women like Ruth who make the active decision to commit to their local covenant community and to the older women in their midst, like Naomi. During seasons of trial and suffering, whether dealing with the loss of a loved one, ill health, or just lagging faith, most older women could really use the energy and enthusiasm that younger women often bring to their interactions. As a middle woman, I feel the tug to be both a more committed younger woman, as well as a more gracious older woman. 

May I be willing to open up my life and share it with those who are newer in the faith -- and to sit, listen, and learn from the older and wiser women around me.

Aging with grace

This is a modified repost from on my personal blog from 2009. I've crossed the 50-year threshold since then, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded to be content with my age.

"But Mr. Weston is almost an old man. Mr. Weston must be between forty and fifty." from Emma by Jane Austen, chapter 4.

As the year is drawing to a close, I have been thinking about growing older, because I turned 48 this year. In Jane Austen's time, 40-50 years was the average life span, and she only lived to 42. Therefore, the above comment may not be as harsh as we would think. But today, 50 is not old given our 21st century life expectancy. In fact, I have heard some people refer to it as the new 30. So if 50 is the new 30, I'm still in my theoretical 20's. Then why am I still sometimes reluctant to admit my age? Conversely, why am I flattered on the rare times I get carded at the grocery store?

Maybe our culture encourages our infatuation with youth. The media has inundated us with the lie that "youth + beauty = happiness" or at least what passes for happiness. It's also interesting to note that the standard is different for women than for men. Men are considered attractive with graying hair, but I doubt the same applies to women. Have you ever counted the number of shades and brands of hair color that are available at the grocery store? When men have lines on their faces, it's considered rugged but not for women. Have you ever counted the number of products claiming to be anti-aging, anti-wrinkling, age-defying? That's not even taking into account the surgical options that are available today. Believe me, I know. I work as a transcriptionist for a plastic surgery practice.

As I begin to count the few white hairs that are becoming manifest and debate about buying a box of hair color, not that hair dye is intrinsically bad, what is my motivation? Do I want to buy into what the world says is of value or what God values? Do I want to just age gracefully (aka looking younger than one's stated age) or age with grace, taking joy in this time of life and not try to push back the clock, as if that were possible? Proverbs says Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised and Gray hair is a crown of glory. After all, isn't my age part of God's sovereign plan for my life? He decided the year of my birth. Not a decade before. Not a decade after. And if every hair is numbered, that includes the ones that are no longer black.

I pray that I would not be ashamed of my age. I pray that I would be thankful for every year of mercy and grace because each year is a gift from God. It's another year to know Him and another year to be transformed by Him. It's also another year closer to the day when I will see Him face to face.

Sanctification in the Walmart Line

It's clear from the Scriptures that sinless perfection is impossible in this life. (1 John 1:8-10, 2:1-2) We will battle indwelling sin until we die or Jesus returns, which is why Christians need the gospel just as much as those who have yet to enter the Kingdom of God. But what about mistakes? What about those silly, careless things that crop up now and then?

Life would be easier if I would always get it right. Life would be even easier if everyone else would get it right, too. For example, can you imagine how this would transform shopping at Walmart? What would it be like if there were always enough cashiers? And cashiers who were efficient? What if everyone counted their purchases so no one had too many items in the express lane? Think of how pleasant that experience would be. But I will not always get it right no matter how hard I try and neither will you or the folks at Walmart.

The fall has taken its toll, and no one is exempt. My physical body has failed me at times where I've dropped dishes due to butter fingers. My mind has gotten distracted so I've lost count when measuring an ingredient for a recipe. Although breaking a glass and miscounting cups of flour are not sins in themselves, what has been my response? What attitude comes to the surface when I'm at Walmart with 20 other people waiting for a single cashier when there are six vacant registers?

There have been times when these irritations didn't bother me, praise God, but my responses have not always been sinless. I've been impatient with others and unkind thoughts have flitted across my mind even though I kept my mouth shut. I've been frustrated when I didn't live up to my high expectations of myself. This is sobering especially when I consider what sort of person I may be in 10 or 20 years. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect, and these little instances of pride and impatience can add up to create quite a curmudgeonly woman. But it doesn't have to be this way.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification." (1 Thes. 4:3) I can rest in this truth and the fact that the Holy Spirit hasn't stopped convicting me of sin and granting me repentance. I do not have to finish the race on my own or in my own strength. And I have hope knowing that He will renew me, turning potential irritations into sanctification lessons. Occasions for impatience and pride can be transformed into opportunities to grow in kindness and humility. Even at the checkout line at Walmart.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience Col. 3:12

When they come to take my car keys away

Curmudgeon: a person (especially an old man) who is easily annoyed or angered and who often complains. 

If you are familiar with Twitter, one of my favorite accounts is the Church Curmudgeon.  He is the quintessential grumpy old man, able to blend wit and complaint in 140 characters or less. As a parody, the Church Curmudgeon is very funny, but if this was real life? I think the humor would be quickly lost.

As I contemplate growing older, I often wonder, what will I be like in 20 or 30 years should the Lord tarry and He allows me to live that long? How will I respond to changes down the road? When they come to take my car keys away? When I have to turn my checkbook over to my daughter because I forget to pay the bills? When I can no longer live on my own? These are ordinary activities that I've taken for granted for decades, but when they are gone, I suspect it will hit hard. "I used to be able to do XYZ, and now it seems I can only sit and do nothing.", would be a natural response. It would also be very natural to take out my frustration at my lot on those around me, but is this inevitable as well? Am I destined to become a curmudgeoness? I don't think it has to be that way.

Now I want to be clear that sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer. I am not implying that aging well is something I must do to earn or keep my standing before God. I am accepted on the basis of Jesus Christ's substitutionary death for my sins and imputed righteousness alone. But as the Holy Spirit works, I believe He is able to change me and my desires. Even the desire to honor the Lord in the face of old age is His doing. So having said all that, here are three truths to gird my mind:

Remember who God is - I am changeable. God is unchanging. I do not know the future. He knows all things. I am weak. He is almighty. I am dependent on Him for every breath and heart beat. He holds all things together by the Word of His power. Nothing can thwart His purposes from being fulfilled, and my times are in His hands.

Remember where my identity lies - God has equipped His children with different strengths and abilities, but I cannot forget where my true identity lies. My being is not ultimately found in what I do or the gifts God has given. My being is found in who God has declared me to be - His image bearer, a redeemed sinner who has been made His child by grace. I may lose my skills. I may be less competent as time goes on, but I can never lose my identity in Christ.

Remember my final destination - We are on this side of eternity and reaping the effects of the fall, but it won't be like this forever. The new heaven and new earth are coming, and we will be forever with the Lord.

I don't think aging will be easy. Life hasn't been easy to this point. But God hasn't left me to finish my days on my own. The truth of who He is, what He has done, and the final consummation of His purpose lifts my eyes away from my finite existence to see the bigger picture. I believe the truth of the gospel has the power to change everything - right now and even when they come to take my car keys away.

The resurrection of the body and the life everlasting

I sometimes imagine what life was like in the Garden of Eden. There was perfect harmony with God and between all of creation. There was no illness or death, which is hard to fathom. Yet this was the reality of the state of innocence before the Fall. But that reality is no more. Once sin entered the picture, a new reality took hold. What was once whole and healthy is now broken and dying. Even if you never had a single sick day in your life, the rate of decay is going to eventually outpace the rate of cell growth. Surgery may be able to nip this and tuck that. Medical research may provide new treatments, but there is no fountain of youth. There is no elixir of life.

The sad prognosis of this present reality has been on my mind quite a bit lately because I have a family member with Alzheimer's. The disease is still in its early stage, and I'm very thankful for the quality of life and function my loved one still has. But I know what the expected progression will be barring divine intervention or a sudden medical breakthrough. I grieve because I see a person with a razor-sharp mind having memories whittled away bit by bit. I grieve because dementia impacts family and friends as they suffer alongside the patient. I grieve because I am witnessing the effects of the Fall in action, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Where do we look for hope knowing there is no cure? What comfort is there to give knowing the outcome? As I was discussing this with family, I was reminded of and comforted by these words from the Apostle's Creed:

"I believe in... the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting."

If the scope of our hope is for this life alone, we are to be pitied. (1 Cor. 15:19) But in Christ, we have a sure expectation of something far better - the resurrection of our bodies and the life to come. The Fall may have brought in one reality, but Christ has brought in a new and better reality. This is what we are waiting for, and this is the ultimate reality for my loved one even if a cure for Alzheimer's is never found.

Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep,but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 15:51-57

 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Rev. 5:4-5

Book Review - Second Forgetting: Remembering the Power of the Gospel During Alzheimer's Disease

The fall has taken its toll on our bodies. We get sick. We grow old. We die.

We may also forget.

Something has gone wrong with the intricate inner workings of our brains, and we can't recall recent events. This may begin gradually, but it doesn't stop here. The inexorable progression of this disease begins to impact other areas of our lives. The normal day-to-day routine becomes more difficult, which ultimately leads to the inability to function and the need for constant care. It's as though we have lost who we are. We've lost our intellects, skills, talents, and personalities at the hands of this foe, and we are left as mere shadows of who we used to be.

This is the picture of Alzheimer's disease, and it is heartbreaking.

How do we respond as Christians to this tragic effect of the fall? How do we respond if this indeed becomes our own diagnosis or the diagnosis of a loved one?

Dr. Benjamin Mast, an Associate Professor at the University of Louisville, has written a book on Alzheimer's titled, Second Forgetting. It contains information about the disease itself and wise counsel regarding care, prevention, and planning. But the strength of this book is its application of the gospel.

Dr. Mast defines the first forgetting as the experience of memory loss.  However, the second forgetting is when not only the patient, but the family and church experience a spiritual forgetting. We forget God and His promises and are overwhelmed by it all. Thus the author seeks to remind us that God does not forget us because of Christ's work on our behalf. Through the Scriptures, he offers specific encouragement to the sufferer and those who are providing care. Additionally, the book provides very helpful suggestions for interacting with someone with Alzheimer's and ways to spiritually engage him/her through prayer, song, and the Lord's table.

I was eager to read Second Forgetting because I have a loved one with dementia. I learned a great deal and cried a great deal, but there was hope mingled with the sorrow. I was reminded that God cannot and will not forget for Christ's sake, and my family member's identity in Him is something that this illness can never take away. I was also encouraged that, as time goes on, my family can cry out to the Lord for wisdom and grace, and He will hear those prayers.

I highly recommend Second Forgetting if you have a loved one with Alzheimer's. This would also be a great resource for the local church as it seeks to minister to families who have been affected by this disease.

Though Alzheimer's disease is a frightening and powerful enemy, the promise of God is greater: nothing can separate those who are in Christ from the love and grace of God. Not the plaques and tangles of Alzheimer's disease, not memory impairment observed in psychological testing, not the behavioral problems, the aggression, the confusion, or even the apparent forgetting of the Lord can separate us from him.¹ 

Because of Christ's suffering and resurrection we are promised that our suffering will come to end, and God will bring us into his presence where all things are made new. Here we will know incomparable glory, enduring joy, true freedom from sin and decay, and restoration to the perfected image of God.  

We may doubt and forget, but God has not forgotten us or his promises.²

1. Second Forgetting: Remembering the Power of the Gospel During Alzheimer's Disease, Benjamin Mast, Zondervan, 2014, pg. 69.
2. Ibid.pg. 167.

About the author: Dr. Benjamin Mast, PhD. is a licensed clinical psychologist, Associate Professor in Psychological and Brain Sciences and an Associate Clinical Professor in Geriatric Medicine at the University of Louisville, and an elder at Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, Kentucky. 

Praying for Aging Parents

One of the inescapable facts of growing older is that my parents have grown older, too. In my mind's eye, I picture them frozen in time in their prime, but the clock hasn't stopped ticking. Thus my mental image doesn't quite match reality like it used to.

When I left home for college, my parents would check up on me during our many phone conversations. "Are you eating enough? Are you getting enough protein? Make sure you get enough sleep and don't work too hard. Be careful driving."

Now it's my turn. "How are you feeling? How are you sleeping? Are you eating enough? Have you seen the doctor? Are you taking your meds? Perhaps someone can give you a ride instead." This is uncharted territory now that the roles seem to be slowly reversing, and it's a little scary.

I wish I could give you a list that covers every aspect of caring for aging parents. Wouldn't that be nice? I'd like that same list, too, but life is never as simple as a checklist. Our families are different, and each circumstance has its own set of challenges. Our parents may live with us, down the street, or multiple states away. They may be as strong as Caleb entering the Promised Land,  or they may be facing a wide variety of medical conditions. We may have solid relationships with them, or the brokenness of life may have taken its toll. Our parents may be running the final leg of the race set before them, or we may be beseeching the Lord that this would be their day of salvation. 

There are also times when I am at a loss to know what to do. I want to help and yet not overstep my bounds because they're still my parents. I also want to make the most of the time I have with them whether it is calling or visiting and loving them as much as I can. But there is something else I can do. I can pray. 

God is never at a loss. He knows the concerns I have for my parents, and He knows better than I do what they need. I can lift up their health and mental faculties to the One who made them. I can pray for grace as they deal with the day-to-day frustrations of aging because He has numbered the hairs on their heads as well as their days. And I can pray for wisdom to know how to honor my father and mother in word and deed in this season of their lives. 

My parents entrusted me to the Lord when I spread my wings and left the nest. It probably wasn't easy, but they believed He would be faithful. Surely, I can do the same for them by committing them through prayer into His loving and compassionate hands.