Friday, December 2, 2016

Learning to let go

When my daughter was learning to drive, I was determined to not be one of those parents who gasped, yelled, or reached over to grab the steering wheel. If I was calm, she would remain calm, and all would go well. Thankfully, she was required to take a behind-the-wheel class from a qualified instructor who was not winging it like me. There were no mishaps, and she was now armed with a driver's license. The next milestone was the first time she drove on strange roads to a new place. At night. In the dark. Alone. 

I asked her to call me when she reached her destination and to call again when she was coming home. I was determined to not be one of those parents who was constantly checking the phone or the clock, but I began to get nervous when the minutes ticked by. When she called upon her arrival, I was so relieved. However, she left much later than I had hoped, so I stayed up and alternated between praying and worrying. Thankfully, there were no mishaps, and the baby bird came back safely to the nest. Since that first time, she has taken other journeys farther from home, so I have had to learn to let go and not fret quite so much. 

You probably have your own stories of when your children first learned to drive and that first big trip alone in the dark. But what about the spiritual journeys our children are on?

As a parent, I believe that my daughter's salvation was of the Lord. Not because of what I did or did not do as a parent, thank God! I also believe that her keeping and growth are in His hands as well. But what if the path He has placed her on includes suffering, struggles, and questions? This is where it gets hard and where it can be hard to let go. That maternal instinct in me wants to reach out and grab the wheel, as it were, and steer her toward what I think is the smoother road. But there comes a point when Mom can't make everything all better anymore. 

Even though, a parent's spiritual influence is so important, I was never meant to fill the place that only God can in my daughter's life. He is a better teacher, protector, and guide than I can ever be. It has also been good for my sanctification to learn to pray first and speak second, when it has been my habit to do the reverse. This transition has been a growing experience and caused us both to depend upon the Lord in ways that we would not have learned otherwise. There are times I still struggle to let go, but I don't need to hold it together because I never really could. He was holding us all along, and He will never let us go.


  1. When my first son took his first solo drive, I wanted to follow along behind him at a discreet distance...but I didn't. Then the first time driving in rain, or fog, or ice, or on a trip - those were all causes for extra concern and prayer as well.

    I've had to learn the same thing as well spiritually. I've learned that sometimes they do things in ways that I wouldn't - but that's all right. We're all answerable to God individually. I've learned it's much better to pray rather than speak. Though we can still advise, caution, etc., I try to word it not as a mom telling a child what to do, but as a fellow adult. But most times I need to just pray and let God work. I cling tightly to Philippians 1:6: "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

    1. I'm with you in needing to speak as adult to adult rather than mom to child. And that is such a good verse to pray for our kids!