Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Tearing Down the Walls

The ladies in my church were discussing what hinders in-depth relationships with each other. Several reasons were given such as busyness, poor time management, and needing to get to know one another. I agree these are valid concerns, but for me there was one underlying issue - fear of man or rather woman.

I'll share my struggles up to a point but nothing more because they might think I'm not very spiritual. I'll be myself to a certain degree but keep quiet about those things that might cause them to think I'm weird. They seem to have it all together, so no one could possibly relate to what I'm going through.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, so tell me if you are the exception, but I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way. So for any of you who are ready to tear down some walls, here's what I've been preaching to myself:

First of all, they and them need to be laid to rest. As in they are more spiritual, talented, outgoing, attractive, hospitable, [add your favorite adjective here]. It's not them. It's us. We are in this together, sisters, not in competition.

Secondly, what we share in Christ is greater than the multitude of measuring sticks we compare ourselves with. "The tie that binds" is more than a sentimental song with a good cry and a group hug. What binds us was bought with the infinitely precious blood of Jesus.

Thirdly, opening up our lives seems risky, but it's not a risk for God. When He saved us, it's a done deal from beginning to end. When He placed us in the local church, He didn't draw random names out of a hat. We are where we are and with whom we are with by divine appointment. He loves us too much to let us live in solitary confinement.

Lastly, our friendships matter. When new members join our church, they commit to "work towards the purity of the Bride of Christ." This happens through the preaching of the Word on a Sunday morning, but it also happens when the walls start to come down through open hearts and homes. This happens when we love one another in deed and truth along with our words and when we are humble enough to ask for prayer and admit we need the gospel, too.

Is it comfortable being vulnerable? Will our relationships always be perfectly amiable and free from misunderstanding? Is this a quick and easy process? No. But is it worth the time and cost to tear down our walls for the glory of God and the good of the church? Yes and amen.

9 comments:

  1. You are most definitely NOT the only one...

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  2. Great thoughts Persis! Gloria Furman touches on this in her book, "Glimpses of Grace". One quote that stood out in particular was: "Perhaps our relationships are terminally casual because we're not willing to disclose what's at heart level" (pg. 154). As Paul Tripp says, "Sin is fundamentally anti-social." It's so clear; our sin makes us pull away from God and others, and the sin of others makes us pull away from them. The Good News of what God has done for us in Christ is the only thing that can reconcile us to God and man. I think Alfred Poirier's article, "The Cross and Criticism" [http://www.peacemaker.net/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=aqKFLTOBIpH&b=1084263&ct=1245843], has been one of the most helpful articles for me on this subject.

    Thanks for the reminder! :)

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    1. Thanks for the comment. I was thinking about that exact passage in "Glimpses of Grace" prior to writing this post. Gloria nailed it well.

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  3. I can really relate to this...you are not alone. Even though I am getting better at this (tearing down the walls), it still is so easy to slip back into protection mode. Thanks for this post...I may have to check this book out

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Maryann. I'm learning that it takes deliberate, grace-motivated effort on my part to not default to protection mode.

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  4. I'm sure everyone feels this way Persis. Insecurity is such a snare that can rob us of genuine friendships. As for transparency, I confess that I'm very cautious about what I share with whom - but I realize I do have to take risks if I'm to ever enjoy true fellowship.

    I love this: "He loves us too much to let us live in solitary confinement."

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    1. Thanks, Diane. If more of us are like this than not, all the more reason to take that risk.

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  5. I have thought about this a lot over the years and even more in recent weeks as I have been teaching in Ephesians. But how do we bear one another's burdens when so many are not willing to share them? It seems to me like it will take a massive shift in church culture for this lack of transparency to change. We can determine to be transparent, but how do we encourage others to do so? I pray that it happens.

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