Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Forever 52

Appearance is a big issue for young women. From preschool onward, there's an unspoken rule that the prettiest, best dressed, and coolest girl moves to the top of the pecking order. This rule “tells girls that how you look is more important than how you feel. More that that, it tells them that how you look is how you feel as well as who you are.” 1

But if you think this is something women outgrow when they reach middle age, think again. There are nearly 500 Forever 21 stores, but you've probably never heard of Forever 52. Why not? Because it doesn't exist in a culture where “... girls are now simultaneously getting older younger and staying younger older. It also explains why the identical midriff-baring crop top is sold to eight-year-olds, eighteen-year-olds, and forty-eight-year-olds. The phases of our lives have become strangely blurred as girls try to look like adult women and adult women primp and preen and work out like crazy in order to look like girls.”2 In the world's eyes, beauty and youth are a woman's “currency and power”3, which is why women pay big bucks to go under the knife to turn back the clock.

Can you relate?

I certainly can. I feel it on those days when I can't cover the gray hairs by changing my part or squeeze into that old pair of jeans I'm not willing to give away just yet. I felt more than just a pang when I was traded in for a younger version. And if I'm honest, the root desire for "admiration and worship and men's good opinion"4 lurks in my heart. The world gladly offers thousands of ways to fulfill this longing, but it's a false bill of goods. You may have tried some of them as have I, but our love for lesser things, ourselves included, will leave us high and dry. We were meant for something better, and this is where the gospel comes in.

Our identity is in Christ. We don't have to fear growing older or the changes that will inevitably come our way. We've been freed from bartering for our worth with the world's bankrupt currency. We don't need to live for ourselves but for Him who died and was raised for our sake. (2. Cor. 5:14-17).  The face and form God has given each of us are to display His grace, no longer objects of self-worship or self-loathing. When we look in the mirror, we may not see the women who looked back at us 10, 20, or 30 years ago, but may we find the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in God's sight. (1. Pet. 3:4). 

This is good news, sisters. Let's believe it. Let's teach it to our daughters, granddaughters, and the young women in our lives.

1. Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Peggy Orenstein, HarperCollins, 2011, pg. 183.
2. Ibid. pg. 139.
3. Ibid. pg. 138.
4. Wives and Daughters, Elizabeth Gaskell, IndyPublish.com, pg. 538.

20 comments:

  1. "When we look in the mirror, we may not see the women who looked back at us 10, 20, or 30 years ago, but may we find the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in God's sight." Amen! It is a shame that we as a culture have equated beauty with youth and exploitation because beauty itself is a good thing. I am comforted to know that Christ is beautifying me in all the right ways. And I look forward to the day when I will behold the beatific vision of Christ himself.
    Now you've got me wanting to read this book you are quoting from, "Cinderella Ate My Daughter"--what a great title!

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    1. Aimee, just to warn you "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" is a secular book from a feminist point of view. However, the author nails popular culture. It's also interesting to see her wrestle with her disagreements with the culture, but without the gospel, she doesn't have an alternative.

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  2. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful post, Persis!

    I'm still looking for that quiet and gentle spirit...it's something I pray for almost every day (several times a day!). Oh, I wish I knew the value of it in my earlier years and had spent more time in the Word and less time in front of the mirror. Praise God He's not done with me, yet, and I have the privilege of teaching something different to my daughters and growing in grace alongside them.

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  3. I have been thinking a lot about the quiet and gentle spirit. I don't know as if we fully understand where that begins.

    The older women who dress like they're fifteen ought to hear the comments my sons make. It might convince them to re-visit their fashion choices.

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    1. I have a friend who shared her adult son's opinion on mutton dressed as lamb - "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

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  4. I was trying to reply to your comment, Kim, but couldn't. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on a quiet and gentle spirit. Please. Pretty please. :)

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    1. I'm not Kim but here are my 2 cents from D. A. Carson:

      The greatest beauty is a transformed character. This verse is not a picture of someone standing on her own rights but someone wanting God's approval. Also this isn't about personality type i.e. introverts vs. extroverts.

      Kim, please share your thoughts.

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    2. Well, I am always happy to hear from Carson. I like that part about not standing on our own rights. I think that is where the quiet spirit starts, with a willingness to forego our own rights, to rest in what we know of him. Part of being quiet in our spirit is an understanding that it is good to submit to Him and that if we obey and give up our rights, we won't "disappear" and miss out. I often feel restless, and I sometimes suspect it is because I am not waiting for HIs timing.

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  5. How beautifully written and how very true. I am approaching my 65th birthday next year and I have no dread. Inside, I do not feel that age even though my body has changed with the years. Knowing that my full identity is in Christ has so liberated me. I read a great book on this subject many years ago entitled "The Search for Significance" when I was struggling with who I really was in Christ. Letting go of the world and their opinion and finding our fulfillment in the Lord is liberating. Thank you for sharing this important topic. Blessings!

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  6. Persis - You have done a fantastic job of echoing the thoughts of all women at every age! Even my 85 yr old ma groaned about her age and looks! Our culture has no use for old or unnatractive women and try adding being fat to that!!

    I loved this:

    "When we look in the mirror, we may not see the women who looked back at us 10, 20, or 30 years ago, but may we find the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in God's sight. (1. Pet. 3:4). "


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  7. Love this, Persis. I also love the discussion it's sparked among these women who I admire & respect greatly. The gentle & quiet spirit is something I long for. That quote from Carson struck a chord with me.

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  8. What a wonderful piece of writing! I have to echo what Diane said concerning looking into the mirror. There is so much emphasis on looks it truly is pathetic. I too love the quote from Carson!

    Great topic, one that we need to consider daily as age does take its toll on our 'outward beauty'. This brings to mind 1 Samuel 16:7b, 'For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."

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  9. When I think about the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious to God, my mind always goes to the attitude reflected in Psalm 131:1-2, "O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul,like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me." Unfading beauty is contented, trusting and loves whole-heartedly. She doesn't demand anything or anyone because she rests secure in Christ, and she gives lavishly and joyfully to those around her. Hair dye, lipstick, liposuction and designer clothes can't compete with that!

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    1. That's beautiful, Rosemary. "She doesn't demand anything or anyone because she rests secure in Christ." I love that.

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  10. Thanks for your kind comments, ladies.

    BTW, I paraphrased Dr. Carson from this sermon.

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  11. OK - just a few more cents-- I'm gonna use my favorite beauty line. It is from Roger's and Hammerstein... "Do you love me because I am beautiful or am I beautiful because you love me?"
    My answer - why, the second of course!
    It is true -Christ's love transforms us into beautiful(it has to, it is efficatious)...it is a beauty that exceeds make-up, style and slim-ninity(my word for - skinny and feminine)
    That being said, and gnosticism aside, presenting an outside that befits the inside -well...it just naturally happens. Our beliefs will always be worn on the outside - even if it takes a little while.

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  12. As I am not far from 50, I pray that God would work in me a gentle and quiet spirit. I'm a work in progress and don't know if I will ever get there!

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  13. Excellent!! I never thought that I was one of those women that cared a lot about the outside, but I'm realizing more and more that I have been deceiving myself. You gave me a lot to think about!

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