Difficult Passages Series: Judges 19 and The Gospel

Identity & the Gospel in Judges 19
Difficult Passages for Women Series


Whenever speakers or expositors read the passage in Judges 19:1-30, they invariably take great care to caution their listeners about the horrific events contained therein. Such is the depth of the concubine’s suffering, degradation, and circumstances of depravity. At the end of the chapter, even the author declares:

All who saw it said, “Nothing like this has ever happened or been seen from the day when the sons of Israel came up from the land of Egypt to this day. Consider it, take counsel and speak up!” (Judges 19:30, New American Standard Bible).

Placing the Judges 19 account within the larger context of the book of Judges brings out the doctrine of the depravity of man and the wretched state of the culture in those days, whereby everyone did what was right in his or her own eyes, because there was no king to rule (Judges 17:6, 19-1, 21-25). 


The story of the Judges 19 woman begins with a magnifying glass on her own sinful condition (v. 2), but quickly turns to the sinfulness of those around her and the culture at large. By the end of Judges 19, the concubine's story graphically depicts the reality that in a culture, given over to autonomous self-gratification, the death wages of sin typically pour out on its weakest members.

With that backdrop, I also hope that women will come to see how the truth of the Gospel of Christ can speak into even the dark, hopeless state of the Judges 19 woman. We can and should bring the Gospel message to bear even in these utterly hard passages.


Covenantal Nature of Identity.

First, let’s consider the covenantal nature of our identity. Contrary to covenant, none of the characters in Judges 19 account are named. Each of the participants is essentially an anonymous entity, likely intended to convey meaning on several levels. For instance, the Levite, the stranger, the father, and the concubine are representatives, like the literary “everyman,” who in this case ties us back to the point at the time of the Judges, when everyone was doing what they saw as right in their own eyes. The collective identity of Israel was indistinguishable from the depraved, Gentile surrounding culture. In those days, Israel's depravity had become as bad -- or worse -- than that of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:1-29)

In this way, the concubine represents the people of Israel as a whole, individually enslaved by sin, and collectively abandoned to wickedness by the very leaders (represented by the father and the Levite) who were responsible for their well-being. But other layers of meaning concerning the anonymity of the concubine apply here as well. For instance, concubines who were barren or who did not provide a male heir to their masters were not named in the Hebrew Scriptures. A concubine derived her identity in the covenant community from fulfilling the particular role of heir-bearing. Otherwise, she would typically not be remembered by name within the historical covenant narratives.

Individual Nature of Identity.

Similarly, today, women associated with the dehumanizing acts of sexual abuse, or perhaps enslaved to sexual sin, suffer greatly with issues of identity, due to inherent objectification in society, along with perhaps finding themselves defined by past sexual relations. The shame they bear, both spiritually and culturally, often causes women to become silent, hidden, and even go underground. They, like the Judges 19 concubine, become anonymous entities whose lives matter little to their depraved masters, or the culture around them.


But…. these deep issues of identity as women in societies where illicit sexual circumstances anonymize and silence its victims are redeemable by our Lord Jesus, who is our true King.

True Identity.

Even in a land where people are selfishly and murderously doing only what they want to do, Jesus really is the true and better Israel. He stepped up as King, also took the place of the priest — and the concubine. He became the true Everyman, for those who believe on him.

He is the perfect Husband who protects his bride. He doesn’t treat her as a concubine, but rather as his cherished possession. Jesus, unlike the Levite and the stranger, doesn't give his bride over to the enemy to have his way with her and abuse her. Instead, our King Jesus leaves his Father's house to reverse the curse. He comes to his Bride and offers his own body to go out in the bride’s place — to be torn apart for the twelve tribes of Israel.

Instead of allowing her to be given over, without hope or any possibility for rescue and to forever have her name forgotten, Jesus gave himself up on the cross for his bride. Now, her name is written on his hands (Isaiah 49:16) and she is his eternally. His body, battered and bloodied, serves as a reminder to the Church, that we are his people, and that he is our true King, Redeemer, Priest, and Husband.
 Jesus's broken body calls us to assemble together in unity and peace because of his blood sacrifice, much like the oxen Saul cut to pieces to call the Israelites together for war (1 Samuel 11:7).

Remembering and Reminding.

Likewise, the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper is a corporate reminder of the reality of Christ’s rescue. We need to remind one another and to be reminded of this Gospel truth. The prophet Hosea in chapters 9 and 10 looks back to the days of the Judges in order to warn Ephraim that they are behaving as those in Gibeah (Judges 19:15) by going after false gods and idols (Hosea 9:9). They had forgotten who they are; Whose they are; to Whom they belong. They were forgetting their husband, over and over and over.

Do we remind each other that we are his bride and that he has redeemed us as the prophet Hosea was called to redeem his bride, Gomer? That at one time we were not a people (Hosea 1:10; 1 Peter 2), but we too were delivered out of bondage and slavery (Exodus 20:2) and out of the kingdom of death and darkness (Col. 1:13) -- by the One who took our place and has called us by name? 


We are all prone to wander and forget our True King and Redeemer. He calls us to seek refuge in his Father's house; unlike the Levite, the strange, and the father in Judges 19, our Lord will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).


To be continued...

Review - No Little Women: Equipping All Women in the Household of God

No Little Women: Equipping All Women in the Household of God - Aimee Byrd, P&R Publishing,  2016, 288 pages.

When it comes to women's discipleship, there is no shortage of ideas. Most people have an opinion about what it is, what should be taught, and even whether it is necessary or not. There is also no shortage of material that is marketed for this purpose. Some is good but much is not very good at all. What is the average Christian woman to do?

Thankfully, Aimee Byrd has tackled this often sensitive topic in her latest book, No Little Women: Equipping All Women in the Household of God. If you are looking for tips on how to do women's ministry "right," there is helpful and practical advice to be gleaned, but this book is much more than that.

Part One - Pinpointing a Real Problem
Right off the bat, Aimee points out the problem of error creeping into the church through the backdoor of women's books. This is nothing new. Satan deceived Eve. Paul warned Timothy of false teachers creeping into households and leading silly or little women astray. This does not imply that women are spiritually incompetent and should be shunted to the sidelines but rather that women are targeted because they play a vital role. Thus the work of God is hampered when half the church is ill-equipped and doctrinally weak. Theology is necessary and practical for every woman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Part Two - Examining Our Context
In our individualistic culture, it is easy to get the idea that spiritual growth is for me, myself, and I, but what if the context is bigger than that? Aimee goes back to Genesis and unfolds the concept of the household of God. Adam and Eve were created to work together and fulfill God's mandate to keep the garden. Sin entered the world, but the mandate has not changed. Jesus commanded the disciples to preach the gospel and make disciples of all the nations. While we are members of individual households, we are part of the church universal and local. Thus for God's household to thrive and function well, every member needs to be equipped for the common mission of the whole.

Part Three - Working Toward a Solution
Drawing from Biblical examples, Aimee unpacks the idea of women being necessary allies to men in the household and mission of God. She clearly affirms male church officers, but this does not exclude sisters from admonishing, encouraging, and serving alongside brothers in the local church. We are in this together.

Part Four - Honing Our Skills
In the last section, Aimee provides guidance in how to be a better reader in general. She then gives criteria to help us discern the quality of our spiritual intake, which I previously shared here. We then have the chance to put these tools into practice with excerpts from popular books that are marketed for Christian women. There may be a few raised eyebrows at the selections, but we need to be wise in discerning truth from error even if it is a bestseller and written by a likable author. (I would personally consider bestseller status a caveat, not a recommendation.)

I've greatly benefited from Aimee's posts on the topic of women in the church, so I loved No Little Women. But what caused me to write "Amen!" all over the margins was her emphasis on the greater context of women's initiatives. I think we miss out when we believe the main source for discipleship falls outside of the the local church and apart from the ordinary means of grace. The preached Word isn't just a supplement to our spiritual nutrition but the main course. Spiritual take-out may be a treat every now and then, but God feeds His people Sunday after Sunday through faithful ministers. Throughout the book, Aimee specifically addresses pastors/elders to encourage them to take an active part in equipping the women in their congregations, which can only benefit the church in the long run. She also provides suggestions to pastors so they can better engage their female hearers and ways we can be better listeners. Also our growth in grace isn't just to fulfill our personal felt needs for spirituality. The gospel comes in and "reorients our lives now so that we live for the life to come." (pg. 194) Thus our lives have purpose in the bigger picture of the kingdom of God.

No Little Women is a great book for women and women's ministry leaders, but it's not just for us. If you are a pastor/elder or a brother who cares about the women in your church, please read this book. It provides very practical guidance but also sound biblical reasons why well-equipped women are necessary allies in the mission of God. Let's work together side by side toward that end.


I received a copy of this book from P&R Publishing. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Is this book healthy?

I wouldn't call myself a health fanatic, but I try to eat a reasonable diet. There was a brief period where my go-to snack was a granola bar because I assumed that granola was healthy. Can't go wrong with whole-grain oats, right? I thought so until I bothered to read the nutrition information and discovered these "all natural" granola bars were high in sugar (corn syrup too!) and low in protein. Since then, I've learned to put less stock in what manufacturers advertise and read the labels.

If I care about the nutritional value of the food I put into my body, then what about my spiritual diet? An author's claims about his/her book may look promising on the cover, but is it really going to nourish my soul or just give me the emotional equivalent of a sugar rush? It would be nice if there was a labeling system for Christian books just like the nutritional guidelines for food. Each label would give me information such as the author's hermeneutics (method of interpreting the Bible) and the ratio of exegesis to eisegesis (drawing meaning out versus imposing meaning into the text.) But alas there is no such thing. Also  there aren't convenient "genre labels like "fluff" and "I may look like I have my life together more than you but I'm about to wreck your theology.""¹ But that doesn't mean we can't do a little research on our own.

I've been reading No Little Women, the latest book by Aimee Byrd (review forthcoming Lord willing,) but I skipped ahead to Chapter 9 "Honing and Testing Our Discernment Skills." She gives four essential questions to evaluate what we read.²

1. What does the author say about God's Word?

Is the Word authoritative or optional? Can we trust the Bible, or does the author instill doubts? Are verses taken within context and interpreted properly or misused?

2. What does the author say about who man is?  

And related, what does the author say about sin? Do we need a Savior to save us from sin and the wrath of God or a life coach to help us reach our full potential? Is there a ladder we need to climb or a formula we need to follow to achieve the desired end apart from the gospel?

3. What does the author say about God?

It's sad that this question even needs to be asked, but just because someone uses the word "God" or "Jesus" does not necessarily mean they are accurately teaching the Triune God of the Bible.

4. What does the author say about what God has done and is doing?

What is the author's worldview and his/her stance on creation, fall, redemption, and restoration? Is he/she offering our best life now or our best life then?


It would be nice if we didn't need to ask questions such as these and be able to trust what is marketed as "Christian." But reputable publishers have been known to print less than sound fare. An author may be the sweetest person imaginable who we'd love to chat with over a cup of tea, but orthodoxy consists of more than having an engaging personality. The bar is set high for those who would be teachers and rightfully so. The Apostle Paul commended the Bereans for verifying what he taught against Scripture, and he wrote a good chunk of the New Testament! If any writer objects to his/her books being scrutinized against the Word, then maybe we shouldn't be reading them in the first place.

The saying goes, "You are what you eat." Well, we may be what we read or, at the very least, strongly influenced by it. All the more reason to be wise and evaluate the spiritual nutrition of what goes in our heads. Ultimately, Aimee's questions reflect not a disrespect for an author but a right reverence for God because the last thing we would want is to have Him or His word misrepresented.


1. No Little Women: Equipping All Women in the Household of God, Aimee Byrd, P&R Publishing, 2016, pg. 49.
2. Ibid., 223-230.

Aging Gracefully

Gray hair is a crown of glory;  

it is gained in a righteous life.

-Proverbs 16:31 (ESV)

A few weeks ago Denise McAllister wrote an article for The Federalist entitled "Madonna, It's Time to Act Your Age". In an age when posts are forgotten five minutes after they've been published, I've found McAllister's words have stuck with me. Her article is a response to another that criticizes Madonna for baring certain body parts in a magazine. She doesn't agree with the author, who frames the issue as Madonna's harm to the feminist cause. Instead, McAllister points to a far larger concern - what a culture which promotes and idolizes youth is doing to its women.

As is evidenced by celebrities whose plastic surgery debacles are plastered on the cover of magazines as they refuse to age gracefully, we have a tyranny of the maiden in our culture. She is our goddess, our ideal, because she represents everything we value most—youth, sex, and physical beauty. Instead of raising young girls to tend their inner beauty, we bombard them with sexualized messaging about how to cultivate their outward beauty. This makes them self-centered and narcissistic, something that influences their attitudes toward motherhood, marriage, and aging.

Of course I'm disgusted that any woman feels the need and the freedom to pose for suggestive photographs; however, I admit I'm more concerned that a 56-year old woman tried to prove her relevance and appeal by pretending to be thirty years younger. Madonna may argue that she's celebrating her age by flaunting her body, but I believe she has affirmed the declining value of older women.

Hollywood is full of women who seem to have stopped the hands of time. Sixty is the new forty. We marvel at how they do it. Forget plain old soap and cold cream; spa treatments and injections are the latest beauty must-haves. Cosmetic companies are raking in the profits, while we are left feeling more hollow than ever.

McAllister writes, 

The only solution to this sad dilemma is for a woman to see herself, not as a maiden, but as a woman—a human being with a body and soul—who goes through different stages in her life, transforming into a better and wiser person. What she carries with her through each of those stages is her character, her inward self that is growing in love, knowledge, and wisdom. But she can’t cultivate those aspects if she is focused on sexual, social, and economic power. She can only do it if she sees past the power constructs of the world and realizes what’s really important, what will last, what will grow more and more beautiful—her spirit, her mind, her soul. Those grow more lovely in the fertile soil of loving relationships, service, hard work, humility, devotion, loyalty, and faith.

The focus on outer beauty is a battle Christian women have been waging for years, and it's doubtful we'll win anytime soon. Madonna's antics prove that the pressure to be beautiful is only part of the problem; the quest to stay forever young has led us down a dangerous road. And we're taking our daughters with us.

Our girls are watching us. Are we declaring the truth of Proverbs 16:31? Do we believe that truth ourselves? This is not to criticize women for dying their hair or taking measures to make themselves more attractive. We are, after all, supposed to be good stewards of what God has given us and seek to bring glory to Him through all aspects of our lives, even our appearance. Yet by equating beauty with youth, we've disregarded the great privilege - and responsibility - we have in growing older.

Once again from McAllister,

We need to honor our mothers and grandmothers who have worked hard their entire lives caring for their families. We need to honor women in our communities who might never have had children, but they serve nonetheless, even without fanfare. They have lines on their faces and gray in their hair, but their beauty shines from within.

It is vitally important that we teach our daughters that aging isn't a death sentence; it's the result of living. The lines on my face have been carved by hours of laughter and tears. My brow has been furrowed by worry over a sick child, job loss, and death. Stretch marks and scars give testimony to God's faithfulness. The gray hair hasn't come yet, but I pray that when it does I will accept it as a crown of glory and not something to be covered up.

'Tis the Season

A couple of years ago, I turned forty. There are a lot of things we could discuss about the forties in general, but let’s talk about the mood swings, shall we? Lately I am experiencing emotions that have no basis in reality.

All three of my sisters are around a decade older than I am, so they reached this stage of life first. Several years ago, one of them said to me, “PMS is for sissies. I have full-on mood swings.” Yes and amen. I spent most of my Junior High years feeling like I could burst into tears at any moment, and I’m right back there again.

First I need to put my emotions in the proper perspective. In the book The Cry of the Soul: How Our Emotions Reveal Our Deepest Questions About God, authors Allender and Longman say, "Our emotions connect our inner world to the ups and downs of life.” For me, I have to think about specific ways in which my “inner world” is mistaken.

Of course, there may be medical things to be done. Address them with you health care provider. God in his common grace has provided medical help for some of this, but that’s another post for another type of blog. For now, I need to focus on what I can fix here and now.

Physical: I didn’t sleep well last night. As anyone who has ever dealt with an overtired toddler knows, it’s harder to maintain self control when you’re sleepy. I haven’t thrown a kicking, screaming fit (yet), but I tend to get overwhelmed more easily on these days. This time there wasn’t a particular cause for my sleeplessness. Other times it’s circumstantial: one child worked late, then another had to be somewhere exceptionally early. But I can also do more to help this. I’ve also noticed if I eat a lot of junk food, I feel awful the next day. I can’t bounce back from these things like I could when I was 25. My lack of self control has always been a bad thing, but now it has more obvious consequences.

Environment: The sun doesn’t rise until noon this time of year. (Not really. That’s only true where Rebecca lives. It’s more like 7:15 here. But still.) It’s hard for me to get going in the dark. The best solution, however, is not sitting around thinking ill thoughts about Benjamin Franklin and his invention of Daylight Savings Time, but turning on the lights and emptying the dishwasher. Getting out of my pajamas is a good idea, too. Complaining has always been one of my besetting sins. Now, rather than simply making me unpleasant to others, it makes me unpleasant to myself.

Fear: Things are changing fast, and change is scary. My oldest will be leaving home soon, and the other two are right behind him. Our kids are “good” kids. (In the traditional sense of the word. I realize, in a theological, Romans 3:23 way, that we’re all sinners.) But they have their own ideas and will make their own mistakes. Some things they will have to learn for themselves (as their parents did). But I am surely wrong about some things, too. I don’t always know what’s best, and only God can sustain and protect them. This has always been the case, it was just easier to fool myself into thinking I was in control when they were little.

In light of that, I have to start talking to myself, rather than listening to my feelings. As Martyn Lloyd-Jones says,

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’–what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’–instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God’.

So today, I turn my thoughts to truth:

How I feel doesn’t necessarily reflect reality.

This too shall pass.

This world is not my home. Part of my unease is run-of-the-mill longing for heaven.

God is in control, as he always has been.

God has sustained me in the past. He will sustain me in the future.

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32).

______________________

[1] Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure, page 21.

Book Review: Captivating

This review originally appeared on my personal blog.

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge has been one of the most popular books in the Christian market over the last decade. Its 2005 release has led to the publication of journals, Bible studies, gift books, and an updated edition. Ideas put forth in this book have found their way into a lot of Christian women’s books, even from authors who have a reputation for being biblical and orthodox.

This is not a comprehensive review. I found many things in this book that are unbiblical, but I’m not going to pull it apart point by point. I am going to focus on two things: what makes the book insightful (and therefore popular), and the book’s most glaring error (which in many ways leads to all its other errors).

What it Got Right

There’s a reason why this book is so popular, and there’s a reason why so many women find it helpful. The authors have a good handle on what makes women tick. Women are relational. In fact, we obsess over our relationships in ways men often don’t understand. This goes back to the curse found in Genesis 3:16. Just as men tend to find their worth and identity in their work (Genesis 3:17-19), women tend to find their worth and identity in relationships. But since we live in a world marred by sin, these things don’t bring the peace that we think they should.

According to the Eldredges, when a woman has been hurt in relationships, she tends to respond in two different ways. She either becomes controlling or desolate. These titles are self-explanatory, and we all know women who fall in these categories. The controlling woman strives to take matters into her own hands, while the desolate woman continues to put herself at the mercy of people who treat her badly.

This is one of the more insightful explanations of the connection between the Fall and women’s behavior that I’ve read. Since understanding why we do what we do is enlightening (especially for women who are well-grounded in Scripture otherwise), I understand why so many women find this book helpful.

Now, even with that, there are problems with this portion of the book. They put a lot of blame for a woman’s troubles on things that happened in her childhood. I’m not saying a woman (or anyone) should be made to feel that abuse is her fault, so please don’t misunderstand me on that. But although they devote plenty of space to the ways others sin against us, they rarely mention how we sin against God.

They also state that Satan has a special hatred for women and attacks her more forcefully. I don’t know of any place in Scripture that confirms this. Yes, Satan is our enemy and accuser, but we sin when we give way to our own evil desires (James 1:14).

The Most Glaring Error

Out of all the errors of the book, the most glaring one is its insufficient view of God. God is portrayed throughout the book as “yearning for us,” and several places state that we as women can “minister to God.” In one section, they even claim that there is “in God’s heart a place that you alone can fill.” (Location 1323, Kindle edition)

This is a direct contradiction to the Scriptural teaching of God’s self-sufficiency (or, as Arthur Pink says in his book The Attributes of God, God’s Solitariness). This is not some obscure, hidden attribute, but something taught plainly in Scripture.

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything (Acts 17:24–25).

And also:

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
Or who has given a gift to him
 that he might be repaid?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen (Romans 11:33-36).

To quote Pink:

God was under no constraint, no obligation, no necessity to create. That he chose to do so was purely a sovereign act on his part, caused by nothing outside himself, determined by nothing but his own mere good pleasure; for he “worketh all things after the counsel of his own will” (Ephesians 1:11). That he did create was simply for his manifestative glory.

I’m not being nitpicky by objecting to this. With such a low view of God, they cannot point women to a higher love and devotion. If there is something in us that can “minister to” or “fill” God, that would mean that God is somehow lacking and therefore not perfect. Only a perfect God deserves our trust and worship. All of God’s divine attributes hang together; if we lose one, we lose them all.

Women’s desire for love and beauty is part of what makes us God’s image bearers. (The Eldredges refer to this as our desire to be romanced, to take part in a grand adventure, and to uncover beauty.) Like all good things, though, the human tendency is to turn them into ultimate things. For many women, the good desire for love and beauty is an idol. Instead of showing us how these earthly desires are often a poor reflection of what we can only find in our relationship with Christ, they instead bring Jesus down to the level of some ideal, earthly boyfriend.

Like I said earlier, many women claim this book has helped them. I’m sure some of them have managed to discard the errors and draw help from the insights. But I fear that many women have been soothed into thinking their idolatrous earthly longings are holy. As heartbreaking as it is when people reject the true God, it’s perhaps a greater tragedy when they unwittingly put their trust in a false one.

*This review is based on the Kindle version of the original 2005 edition.

No Label Necessary

The Christian cyberworld is inundated with articles on femininity and women's roles. At times I feel we've been reduced to the debate of complementarian versus egalitarian. Not that these aren't important issues to discuss, but sometimes I wonder if we get so caught up in rhetoric that we lose sight of Scripture. Lord, save us from that trap!

In preparation for the ladies' theology reading group I am blessed to lead, I revisited the story of Abigail found in 1 Samuel 25.  Abigail is explicitly praised for some of her attributes, but there is much more to observe and glean from this story. In fact, as I poured over the account of her meeting with David I realized it is a primer on God's design for women.

Abigail was discerning (v. 3). Scripture draws a stark contrast between Abigail and her husband, Nabal. Verse 3 tells us that she was "discerning and beautiful", but he was "harsh and badly behaved" (ESV). The Oxford English Reference Dictionary defines discerning as "having or showing good judgment or insight". Abigail knew that her husband was a fool (v. 25), but she did not allow his folly to affect her good judgment or to keep her from pleasing God. She was wise enough to realize that if David followed through with his plan to destroy Nabal, it would also be detrimental to David (v. 31). By approaching David, she saved both her household and the future king's conscience.

Abigail was beautiful. (v. 3) A truly beautiful woman will be discerning (see Proverbs 11:22).  While the author of 1 Samuel is referring to her physical appearance, this passage clearly indicates that Abigail had "the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit". (see 1 Peter 3:3-4)

Abigail was respected. (v. 14). One of Nabal's servants approached Abigail when he realized that Nabal had incurred David's wrath. Obviously, the servants knew that Abigail was discerning and could be trusted to handle the situation wisely.

Abigail protected her husband and his household (v. 24). Even though Nabal was a fool, Abigail quickly took action to persuade David not to carry out his plan. She accepted the blame for a wrong she didn't commit. She admitted that her husband was foolish, but she did not leave him to face the consequences of his actions.

Abigail was discreet (v. 33). David recognized her tact, her trustworthiness, and her ability to avoid disgrace (see Oxford English Reference Dictionary). She spoke to David candidly, but tactfully. Her behavior may have brought honor to Nabal, as the future king of Israel praised her.

Abigail was humble (v. 41). After Nabal's death, David wanted to make Abigail his wife. He recognized her value. He knew that she would be a woman to be praised, that she would bring him honor. Even though she had single-handedly saved their household, she bowed to David's servants and declared she would be a servant to wash their feet. She did not assume an air of authority or presume to be entitled to anything as David's wife. 

Sometimes labels are important. They let people know exactly what we stand for. Yet sometimes labels can do more harm than good. A woman who possess the qualities of Abigail needs no label to bring honor to her husband and to God.

More than our motherhood

I think, for me, one of the more surprising things about middle life has been the realization of life beyond my mothering. By that I mean I know I still am, and always will be, a mom but no longer is my perspective so very myopic to view all of my existence, and yours, through that narrow lens. In fact, not only do I understand myself to be more than my motherhood, I am realizing how much our current Christian conversation skews itself that direction.

As I pondered what to write for this week, I considered an exploration of a theme I've seen repeated in various articles I've read lately. Written to young moms of young children, these articles offered encouragement for those times when worship is inconvenient. A good word, one I would have reaped great benefit from in my own season as a young mom when, hello, worship not only seemed inconvenient but impossible.

However, when I read those articles today, as an older mom, I couldn't help but think to myself that worship is still inconvenient even now and it has nothing to do with the age of my children nor my stage of life. Worship is inconvenient because it is unnatural. In other words, worship doesn't suddenly become convenient when your children sleep all night long.

But that's another post for another time.

I'm glad those articles were written to the young moms out there, don't misunderstand me. I am only observing that the truths they proclaim apply to us all. I am reminded of a post I published on my personal blog a little over a year ago. If you'll indulge me, I have reposted it below (with a few modifications) for your reading pleasure. Sisters, we are more than our motherhood. Let's seek to encourage one another to press on to be like Christ no matter our stage of life--young, old, middle, single, married, mother, grandmother...

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It seems women are everywhere across the Internet landscape. Whether we are talking about women's issues in politics, women's roles in church, or what defines a woman according to Biblical standards, women as subject seem to comprise most of my twitter and blog feeds.

I am a woman and one would think that, as such, I would be encouraged by this push toward keeping women at the forefront of conversation. And, I suppose, to some extent I am. I understand and share some of the frustration expressed by many who seek a stronger, louder voice for our gender in the public square as it were. In our current culture there are certainly gender specific issues deserving discussion and evaluation and correction.

But not all I read is encouraging. In fact, I wonder sometimes if we do not do ourselves a great disservice by framing so much of our dialogue and critique in terms of our gender. I do believe that God created us uniquely as women and as such different from our male counterparts. As I stated earlier, I believe that there are real issues facing churches and our culture at large and in many of those cases women play a critical role in asking and answering the hard questions. But, those sorts of situations aside, must everything about us be defined by our womanhood?

For example, in the current evangelical blog world, if we can delineate and define such a thing, there seems to me to be a plethora of articles and blog posts across major sites written to women mostly by young moms about being young moms. While I applaud the efforts on behalf of these mostly male dominated sites to include women and while I do agree that young moms are in a uniquely difficult stage of life, as an older mom I often want to say "I am more than my motherhood." In other words, must our conversations about who we are as Christian women continually center around being a mom and a housewife? What about infertile women? Or single women? Or older women? Or empty nesters? We do these sisters a great disservice by implying, however subtly, however inadvertently, that motherhood is the pinnacle of Christian womanhood.

Years ago I read an article about women's ministry. I don't remember where I read it nor who wrote it. The author--whoever she was--in no uncertain terms asserted that all ministry to women must be couched in the Titus 2 directive. All ministry. All instruction. She contended that any lesson taught to women should have its (singular) application drawn from the imperative to "love husband, children and care for your home" as outlined in Titus 2:4-5. I remember this article so very clearly because it shocked and saddened me greatly.

In that author's view the sum total of all that a woman needed to know about the Word, about God, about the gospel, about theology and about doctrine, has its only benefit in how it helps her to love her husband and children and care for her home. How she shortchanges us! I think of my recent experience at The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference where I heard theologically trained women exposit the Scriptures. No mention of housekeeping nor the narrow application to motherhood that I could recall but instead the encouragement, the mandate even, to women to study the Word, to know the Bible, to wrestle with the truths of who God is and who we are and to rejoice in His plan to redeem sinners for His own glory. Kathleen Nielson, Nancy Guthrie, Paige Benton Brown, Nancy Leigh Demoss--these smart, intelligent women used their gifts to propel their listeners toward a deeper knowledge, a richer theology, a greater sense of awe and worship.

It was women teaching women, to be sure, yet the truths taught transcended gender. In this respect, I am not only more than my motherhood, I am more than my gender. The call of God in my life has everything to do with me being a woman, yes, of course, but it also has nothing to do with me being a woman and everything to do with me being like Christ first and foremost, always and only.

Originally posted at lisaspence.com, March 2013

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Speaking of The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference, this time next week Staci and I will be in Orlando for the 2014 conference. We are pretty excited! Will any of our readers be joining us? We look forward to seeing you there!

Encouragement doesn't have an age limit

Kim started an interesting thread on Facebook yesterday. She wrote that middle-aged women need the voices of older women who have experienced the challenges we are facing now. We need their wisdom. We need their advice. I agree completely, and this got me thinking.

Our responsibilities have changed as we've grown older. A few decades ago, it was praying the baby would finally sleep through the night or that potty training wouldn't result in too many tears on either side. Now it's the reality of aging parents with failing health or grieving their loss. We aren't trying to slim down post pregnancy but wondering what this year's mammogram or colonoscopy may uncover. When we were younger, there were new opportunities and new horizons. Now that we've approached or crossed the half-way mark, life is winding down, and it may not have turned out exactly as we planned. This can get disheartening, which is why we need support just as much as the young mom or newlywed. And besides, encouragement doesn't have an age limit.

If you have an older woman in your life who can speak into your middle-agedness, praise God. These sisters are a blessing to the church. Perhaps we need to be more active in letting them know we want and need to hear what they have to say.

Of course in an ideal church in an ideal world, there would be an older for every younger no matter how old the younger person is. But often this is not the case. So what are we to do?

I would humbly submit that God does not ask us to traverse the uncharted wilds of Middle Age alone even if there isn't an older woman to lead the way. He has given us the local church.

I may not have a senior sister who can give firsthand advice on how to love and serve my aging parents long distance, but I do have a faith family. These sisters and brothers may be half my age, but they can offer encouragement in the Word and point me to Christ. They may not fully understand my middle-aged woes, but that doesn't keep them from praying. Nor does it prevent God from hearing and answering their prayers according to His good pleasure.

So if God gives you the opportunity to be discipled by an older woman, go for it! But if this is not in His current providence, seek relationships with those He has already provided - your sisters (and  brothers) in your local church.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25

In the Heat of the Moment

It was one of those days, and it was a busy one. For the schedule to work, we would have to operate like a well-oiled machine. My family, however, consists of real humans, not machine parts. They also seemed to have adopted the motto “Why think for yourself when you can just ask Mom?” and I was annoyed by the constant questions. To top it all off, a misunderstanding with an acquaintance caused my kid to miss out on something fun.

By the end of the day I was mad. But there was nobody to be mad at. The evening’s schedule was confusing. My acquaintance had been trying to help. Nothing could be done about any of the evening’s foibles. And the kid who missed out on the fun event really wasn’t that torn up about it. And though I knew I was being irrational, that just annoyed me even more.

A couple of hours later the real reason for my mood became clear: migraine. My migraines are usually mild enough that I can take medication and carry on as normal, but this time I was down for the count. All I could do was lie still and wait for the pain and nausea to pass.

The interesting thing about migraine is that the process begins before the sufferer feels it. Sometimes I have an aura an hour or so before it hits. Sometimes I notice that I stumble over words a lot in the hours leading up to it. Some people yawn a lot. And, like what happened to me that night, some people become easily agitated.

After the migraine fog lifted, I thought back to the previous day. My irritation, which had felt quite justified at the time, seemed ridiculous. I was thankful that circumstances kept me from expressing my frustration, because now the situation then seemed incredibly petty.

Anybody who has spent time with a tired or hungry toddler understands that our physical bodies affect our emotions. But in the heat of the moment we often don’t realize it. As a teenager I felt very weepy one week of the month. Now? I either wonder why everyone has to keep breathing so loud, or I am convinced that something horrible will happen and it will all be my fault.

As my middle-age hormones continue to mess with my mind, I find I have to be careful to focus on the truth rather my feelings. But what can we tell ourselves when our feelings are getting the upper hand? What is the truth?

Our emotions are God-given, but they are also fallen

As Allender and Longman say in their book Cry of the Soul, “Our emotions connect our inner world to the ups and downs of life.” Just because they aren’t always accurate, doesn’t mean they should always be ignored. The joy and delight we feel on earth is a foretaste of the greater joy of heaven. And sometimes sadness and anger are legitimate reactions to the trouble of the world. It is appropriate to mourn when we encounter evil.

Taking care of my physical body helps

In 1 Kings 19, Elijah is fleeing from Jezebel. In his weariness and fear, he sits down under a tree and wishes for death. Then he sleeps, and after he sleeps, the Lord sends him food. I think it’s interesting that part of God’s help involved meeting his physical needs.

I’m not 25 anymore. Although it’s important to care for our bodies at all ages, I’m more sensitive to it now. I fail a lot in this area, but when I take the time to eat properly, rest, and exercise, I can handle life much better.

Just because I feel it, doesn’t mean I need to express it

Proverbs 29: 11 is a verse I find myself going to a lot these days: “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” My emotions often come on like a firestorm. Even though I may feel very strongly about something, that’s usually not the best time for me to speak. I can’t take back angry words spoken in the heat of the moment. It’s better if I take some time to think things through.

Keep doing what needs to be done

Some people like to keep moving when they’re upset. I prefer to curl up in a ball and whimper. But life doesn’t stop just because I’ve decided to host a private pity party. Pushing through with the daily tasks of life often makes me feel better. Even if it doesn’t, at least I’m not behind when I emerge from the funk.

Be thankful for God’s grace

I have always been an impulsive, emotional person. But God is refining me. I sometimes have to pray through gritted teeth, but he is faithful to give me the strength I need when I ask for it.

Sadly, I don’t always remember to do this. In the days since I began this post, I’ve had to apologize to someone for angry, hurtful words I said, words that she did not deserve. I’m embarrassed about what I said. I can’t take the words back. All I can do is point to the perfect Savior. He lived the life I should have lived and died the death I should have died. Through him, all my sins are forgiven. Even the hasty, hurtful words I sometimes speak.

Middle-agers need older women too

When reading Titus 2:3-4, it's easy to assume that "younger" only refers to single women, new wives, and young moms in the 20 to 40 age bracket. But we middle-agers still have much to learn and need the example of older women, too. As I considered who were the older women in my life, these three sisters came to mind. So let me introduce you to my role models:

The first woman is a widow. She has no children by birth, but she has many "adopted" children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She doesn't use the Internet, but she stays in touch by writing letters to her many friends. Her notes and conversation are often punctuated with "Praise the Lord!", but it's not just Christianese. She really means it.

The second woman has one of the sharpest minds I've ever known. She has been an active servant in the church, but age and the effects of the fall are beginning to take its toll. However, this has increased her dependence on the Lord and has given her family the opportunity to serve her in new ways. But even with this limitation, she doesn't miss an opportunity to be with the local church.

The third woman is also a widow who suffers from chronic health issues. It is a severe trial for her, yet she perseveres in the Lord. It has not kept her from serving her family selflessly. She has not lost her wonderful sense of humor and still loves to tell stories of her youth.

These women are in their eighties. Their hair has grown white. Their faces reflect the years, but they are beautiful to me because I see Christ. They probably would never sit me down and give a formal lecture on the perils of midlife, but their lives speak volumes. Through the hard lessons of life, these sisters have learned to rely on God's grace. They have treasured His word and not outgrown the simple message that Jesus lived and died on their behalf. They are not perfect and have had their share of struggles, but God has kept them in the race to this day.

So praise God for the older women in the church. They are a testimony to His preserving power. May we not take our sisters for granted but pray for them, reach out to them, hug them, and encourage them in the Lord.

Who have been your role models? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove

My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;

And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,

Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

~ John Rippon

Titus 2 for the introvert

True confession. Titus 2:3-5 scares me.

There are so many expectations wrapped around these verses. We have different thoughts on what should be taught, how it is taught, and the criteria for older vs. younger women. This passage can seem daunting because we are accountable to God for our influence on others. Also, a qualified older woman still needs to earn the trust of those she wants to help. On top of that, let's throw personality into the mix. I know someone who could walk right up to another sister and say, "I want you to disciple me," and may her tribe increase. But for us introverts...

Being with a few, very few friends is much safer. In fact, being a shut-in doesn't seem too bad every now and then. Also building trust takes longer because an introvert's walls can be pretty thick. I remember when I was a new mom and a well-meaning but rather persistent woman swooped down to take me under her wing. We were on a casual I-know-your-name-enough-to-say-hi basis but nothing more. I didn't like the pressure and felt overwhelmed. After a few more swoops, I got scared and ran, and if I'm honest, maybe I'm still running. But the Apostle Paul never wrote an exception clause for introverts. We don't get a personality pass when it comes to being built into the local church. But maybe there's a different way to look at discipleship, mentoring, Titus 2-ing, whatever your preferred descriptor is. At its most basic level, it's friendship, and perhaps this is the place to start.

As I contemplate tearing down the walls and reaching out above and beyond official meetings, being a friend takes the pressure off. I may be an older woman chronologically, but that doesn't mean I have to have all the answers, which is a scary thought indeed. Friendship is mutual sharing and encouragement in the Lord. Friendship isn't a duty but the result of loving God and letting that love spill over to one another as we live life together in the body of Christ.

This isn't meant to be a critique of how you approach Titus 2. Rather this is a long overdue kick-in-the-pants to get me out of my rut. If you're like me, I hope you will be encouraged to go up to another sister who may be as introverted as you and say, "I'd like to be your friend."

The Problem With Books and Blogs

The article was in a Christian magazine. The author, a woman, was concerned. She had lived with a group of young women while taking a class, and they were slobs. She worried that the next generation of young women would not know how to clean their houses.

I read it during one of my infant son’s few short nap times and it struck me with guilt. I should have been cleaning instead of resting. Not only was I letting my family down, but my entire generation.

I wish the 41-year-old me could go back to that weary 25-year-old and dry her tears. I would remind her that she had a right to be tired, and a right to want to rest. We had just relocated, and the move was more difficult than we expected. I was in a cramped apartment. I suspected my downstairs neighbors were junkies. My baby boy had been sick for most of the summer. The apartment wasn’t even that dirty. But all I could feel was the judgment of a woman I didn’t know.

The woman’s message wasn’t evil. There have been times when I needed to be told to get up and get moving. (Take Thursday, for instance. I could have used that message then.) Just not that day in that particular season.

Books and blogs and magazine articles can be good things. Sometimes I’ve read things that told me exactly what I needed I hear. Sometimes I’ve tossed the book aside in disgust when I should have listened. And other times I’ve felt unnecessary condemnation.

The model Paul gives us in Titus 2 is for the older women to teach the younger women. That implies a personal, one-on-one relationship. In the three years before I read that article, I had gotten married, graduated college, got my first “grown-up” job, bought our first house, had a baby, and moved to a new city. That’s a whirlwind three years, but I hadn’t been an adult long enough to know that life isn’t always that eventful. I thought I should be handling things better. I needed someone with some long-term perspective to tell me I really wasn’t doing that bad, considering. Someone to babysit while I went to the laundromat would have been nice, too.

We don’t always judge ourselves well. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we rationalize bad behavior. A real friend can help you see which you’re doing. I’ve written an article or two, and I’ve read even more. But real friends can listen to our worries, dry our tears, and tell us when we’re full of beans. They can bear our burdens, weep when we weep, and rejoice when we rejoice.

Please keep reading the books and blogs and magazine articles as time allows, but don’t let them keep you from being a real friend to a real person who needs you.

Melancholy and the hope of the gospel

In high school I was part of the youth choir at my church, the highlight of such participation being the annual choir tour. My senior year we spent a week in Canada doing backyard Bible clubs, performing in various venues, and sightseeing (the highlight being Niagara Falls). At the close of the week our choir director honored the graduating seniors by presenting each of us with a hymnal with a personal inscription on the flyleaf. As he presented each hymnal he related a specific hymn to each senior. For me that hymn was "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee".

I've thought of that often, not the trip to Canada so much, but that particular hymn and what may have prompted the director to choose that title for me. See, "joyful" isn't exactly the sort of word one would choose to describe me. Not now, at least, and I suppose we all assume the way we are now is the way we've always been. And the me that I am now, well, I am more melancholy than merry.

Not only is my general disposition toward the less-than-joyful it seems that the older I get the more prone I am to occasional bouts of deeper melancholy. Being in the dumps, down, depressed, whatever you want to call it, this funk-y state often sneaks up on me thanks to my hormones. Sorry, guys, just keepin' it real. If you'd like to click away, please do but I promise this isn't a post about hormones. It's about the gospel. And persevering when I'd really rather sit on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.

To borrow John Piper's term, I must fight for joy. "Joyful, joyful" is not my default emotion but I can fight for the kind of settled conviction that dispels the darkness of my despair. I'm not talking about happy, happy euphoria but something deeper: hope, peace, and, yes, joy. Here's what helps me fight the fight...

I am proactive. My low bouts are generally expected--I know when I am vulnerable--and I try to be wise in my fight. I do the things I know help: I get off the sofa, I walk my dog, I engage, I eat chocolate.

I preach to myself. I talk to myself rather sternly and I tell myself that it's only the hormones, that it's only emotions, that it's not real. Sometimes this helps but most times it only makes me sad and mad both, sad because it is the hormones and mad because I hate suffering the whim of something as inconsistent and erratic as the hormones of a 40-something female.

Sigh.

I talk to myself and I make myself get off the sofa but really, all that sustains is this: the gospel. So not only do I sternly remind myself of the fleeting nature of hormones and of feelings but I also preach the gospel to myself. When my emotions tempt me to despair, I must hold to something higher, something stronger, something more sure, more solid, more true. I must hold to Jesus and He promises He will not let go. I cling to Him, to His promise to save and sustain, to His grace and forgiveness, to the hope I have beyond hormones and depression. There is more and it is in Christ.

I seek perspective. These struggles with melancholy point me to my true home where there will be no sadness and no tears, only joy and light and that light and that joy being Jesus Himself, yes and amen! In the face of such future hope my melancholy makes me yearn for the satisfaction that I will know when I see Him. What a glorious gift to see this world as wanting and know the sure glory of the next!

While I struggle with emotional lows and even suffered a season of post partum depression after my last baby, I don't pretend to know the enduring darkness which some of you may suffer. I know my inability to climb out of the sadness, but my sadness only lasts for a few days, maybe a week. To those who suffer prolonged periods of depression I offer the hope of the gospel as well as the encouragement to seek professional help. There is no shame in getting the kind of help you need be it medication or some other form of treatment. Please, talk to your doctor or engage a professional Biblical counselor.

Two resources that have been a great help to me are John Piper's When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight For Joy and D. Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure. Even if you do not struggle with these types of funks I think both titles will serve to encourage and edify.

Whether you are naturally disposed to joy or, like me, are more-melancholy-than-merry, we have a hope that endures. There is joy beyond the sorrow! Let us hold fast, sisters, for He who promised is faithful.

Joyful, joyful, we adore thee,

God of glory, Lord of love;

hearts unfold like flowers before thee,

opening to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;

drive the dark of doubt away.

Giver of immortal gladness,

fill us with the light of day!

~Henry Van Dyke

The Comparison Trap

It happens all too easy. What started out as a fun time with a friend turns into a private, internal game of "Let's compare." You're no longer thinking of your friend, you're thinking about how you're falling short. Whether it be your appearance, weight, home-decorating skills, sense of humor...need I go on?

We all have our lists, those things that we don't like about ourselves, those things that we see in others and wish we could have.

Is comparison ever good?

Not all comparison is bad. Sometimes we see a positive trait in another person and it inspires us. In Titus 2:3-5, part of the way that older women are to instruct the younger women is to be a godly example. We can't emulate the good behavior we see in others unless we think about how we are different. That requires comparison.

And though this isn't quite as fun, comparison convicts. If I'm going through a season of negativity and grumbling, seeing others serve the church and their families with joy can show me how far afield I've gotten. I'm convicted about my bad attitude and reminded to repent of my sin.

When comparison goes bad

More often than not, though, comparing ourselves with others can drive us to despair. Our focus is not on how to serve God better in the place he has put us, our focus is on wanting what someone else has. We don't want to glorify God with our gifts, we want the same gifts as someone else.

So how can we tell the difference?

I don't think there's an easy answer to this. Our hearts are tricky (Jeremiah 17:9). Do we really want to be different in order to bring more glory to God, or do we just want more glory for ourselves? If our friend is admired and celebrated for a gift or skill, perhaps we want to be admired and celebrated, too.

All we can do is return the focus where it belongs--on Christ. All of our gifts and abilities were given by him for the purpose of bringing him glory. We may not be as awesome as our friend, but we are God's handiwork. (Ephesians 2:10)

A heart full of praise for God will have no room for self-loathing, and a heart focused on glorifying the Lord wherever she is will not begrudge the gifts of another.

Finding encouragement and community as an old-er woman

At 44, I am what many (myself included) would consider an older woman. Not old necessarily, but old enough to be old-er. The distinction is important, at least to my vanity.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not aging well. I do, of course, suffer from the usual physical effects of forty plus years on this earth: the gray hair and the corresponding appointment with my hairstylist every 6-8 weeks, the wrinkles, the hormonal migraines that take me down for nearly a whole a week at a time, just to name a few.

Growing old, it's not a pretty sight.

But it's the unexpected repercussions of these middle years that have me reeling: the sudden grief over an emptying nest, the regrets of past failures and deficiencies, the question of "What now?"

Don't get me wrong. I like my 40's. Life is good here in the middle years, good and rich and happy. Yet there is also much that is confusing and stressful and surreal and, well, hard. It can be a lonely stage of life and a difficult one.

I've mentioned before my entirely unofficial and completely unscientific observation that there is much being currently written for young moms: blogs, books, and so on. The worn out and weary mom knee deep in toddlers and diapers--and I have so been there--can find much encouragement and community among the many resources and blog posts written to her and for her (and, in many cases, by her). This is totally a good thing. I do not deny the benefit or the blessing of these resources--not at all! I know I, and my mothering, could have greatly benefited from the gospel wisdom of these young mom bloggers. Being a young mom can be a lonely stage of life and a difficult one and young moms are right to seek out the encouragement and community offered via social media and other outlets.

Yet, and also as a result of my entirely unofficial and completely unscientific observation, it seems there is a deficit of similar resources for the older woman. We too are in a lonely stage of life and a difficult one and yet similar resources of encouragement and community seem harder to find online. Over on my personal blog, I surmised why so few of us are blogging through these middle years of our lives. I don't have all the answers but it's an interesting phenomenon to ponder. In the interest of full disclosure, my own blog has suffered a similar fate. I too have been part of the deficit.

Whatever the reasons behind our blogging reticence, we older women are also desperate for encouragement and community.

Our challenges in the middle years no longer include tantrums at the grocery store (ours or our kids') but, like the younger mom, indeed like women of all ages and stages, we well know our own insufficiencies. In fact, we see them in sharp relief, particularly as we compare ourselves to the current directives for younger moms. All that I should have done and didn't, as well as the burden of all I did do and shouldn't, I grieve both. But the gospel tells me neither I nor my failures are beyond the Lord's capacity to forgive and redeem. Because Jesus paid the penalty of my sins, all of them, whatever it is I see as I reflect on my past (or present), there is no condemnation, glory to God!

Additionally, many of us older women are enduring one transition or another, be it empty nest, retirement planning, or caring for our aging parents, or all three. For example, those of us who are old-er moms know that much of our parental influence has now passed--not all, mind you, but much. With this realization in mind, we must cling to the sovereignty of a God who seeks and saves His own and we must trust Him for our children.

In all transitions inherent in this stage of life, we need to exhort ourselves and each other to stand strong in the Lord and His sufficiency. We can trust Him for what we need, no matter how uncertain our days may seem nor how overwhelming our obligations feel. We have this confidence because of the good news that Jesus has saved us and He will indeed give us all things in Him.

The middle years can also be lonely ones. However, even if we aren't blogging or writing books, we often have more freedom in terms of how we spend our time than our younger friends. I've found it's important for me to be intentional in seeking and creating community with women from all ages and stages. I have my husband, yes and amen, and he is my closest friend and an incredible support and encouragement. I am profoundly grateful for him but I also find great blessing in my friendships with other women.

Sometimes, though, this kind of community is not so easily accomplished. I'm busy, you're busy, our young mom friends are busy, and sometimes it's just easier to neglect our need for community. Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I often have to repeat to myself, "The Lord is about people, Lisa!" To that end, I teach Bible study, I volunteer at the crisis pregnancy center, I am friends with many from the younger mom set--these are important outlets as well as critical opportunities to experience the kind of gospel community that fosters discipleship and accountability and, yes, commiseration. A shared journey is an easier journey, yes and amen!

I am grateful for blogs like this one and the friends here who offer both encouragement and community as they point me to Jesus. But beyond the blogs there is great encouragement in the truth of gospel grace and in the relationships the Lord has afforded me. Both help me as I navigate my older years.

Are you an older woman? Do you find the middle years difficult? Why or why not? How does the gospel encourage you in the unique struggles of your stage of life, old or young? Where do you seek community? Let us know in the comments below; your comments and conversation are important to us!

The Mosaic

It would be a fair statement to say that women care deeply about what is important to them. As believers, our affections have been renewed, so we are learning to love God with all of our heart, mind, and strength. From this flows a love for our families, the church, and our neighbor. But in addition, there's another subject that moves and motivates us - what it means to be a Christian woman.

All you need to do is visit the web site of a Christian bookseller and you will find books, books, and more books on this subject. Biblical womanhood is a popular blog topic and the focus of numerous ministries. It's also the subject of heated debate. If you ask one women, it means this and, if you ask another woman, it means something else. What is a Christian woman supposed to look like?

If I took a cross section of the women in my church, there are ladies from their twenties to nineties. Widowed, married, divorced, and single. No kids to many. Everything from empty-nesters and great-grandmas to first-time moms. Women who work outside and in the home. Some raised in Christian homes and some not. New believers and saints who have been on this pilgrimage for decades. Introverts and extroverts. Girly and nerdy. Different ethnicities. Different views on eschatology. Different trials. Different struggles. Different strengths. All this variety in one small church.

Now zoom out and consider the Christian women in your community/state/country. Widen the scope even further and imagine your sisters on the other side of the globe, fellow members of the invisible church. If I could interview each one, there are probably a host of differences just by virtue of our cultural and ethnic backgrounds. There may be a host of similarities as well. But even if I could tally up all the areas where we are alike, I would argue that the greatest common denominator isn't the uniformity of our female experience, it's the uniting power of Gospel.

So to go out on a limb, here's my definition of what it means to be a Christian woman:

A women chosen by the Father, redeemed by the Son, and regenerated by the Holy Spirit. (Eph. 1:3-10, Titus 3:4-7)

A woman who has been saved by grace through faith and is growing in holiness by training grace. (Eph. 2:1-10, Titus 2:11-14)

A woman who has the promise of God that He will complete the work He has started in her. (Phil 1:6)

You may read this and think - "But she didn't mention anything that was unique to women at all!" And you're right because I believe what God has declared me to be in Christ has the greatest impact on who I am as a woman. I've been saved by the work of the Triune God, and that same Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are actively at work transforming me into the image of Christ. How this looks for me may look different for you, because our lives are different, but the final result isn't up for grabs because it's not dependent on you or me to get it right. I love the perseverance of the saints because I have hope that my faith will not fail in the end. But this perseverance isn't only in my theology. It carries over to who I am as a woman because it will be fleshed out in every area of my life. Whether it's a homeschooling pastor's wife in Kalamazoo, the new convert in Kampala, the single missionary in an unnamed country in the 10-40 window, or the elderly sister in an underground church in Beijing, if you are in Christ, sister, God will complete what He has started.

So when I consider my sisters around the world, I see an intricate mosaic. Its beauty lies not in its uniformity but the wide variety of colors, shapes, textures. Each woman has been appointed in her ordained time and place by God. She has been redeemed and made righteous by the work of Christ. She has been sealed by the Holy Spirit as the guarantee of her future inheritance in heaven. And this finished work of art will be to the praise of His glorious grace.

Sisters, we are not muzzled

Awhile back I cleaned out one of the cabinets in our bookcase. While sorting through various papers and notebooks and whatnot, I stumbled across an envelope containing a letter and a paper bookmark, the letter typewritten, the bookmark worn and a little crinkled with "To Lisa From Sue" handwritten on the back, both the letter and bookmark dated August 1990.

That summer of 1990 I participated in a small group study led by a young married woman a few years older than myself. I had just graduated from college and was spending the summer at home before I left for graduate school in the fall. I was also dating a very handsome young man that I would soon promise to marry.

Unbeknownst to those of us in the study, our leader had asked other women--older, godly women--to pray for a specific member of the group. Our leader's mom had received my name and over the course of that summer she prayed for me and for my future and for my future husband and for our life together. She prayed for me to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. At the close of the study, in August, she gave me a letter outlining many of the verses she prayed over me as well her hopes and prayers on my behalf. With the letter she included a paper bookmark with both our names written on the back and the date.

This is the letter I found these twenty some odd years later. I confess I had forgotten all about her praying for me and as I read her letter tears sprang to my eyes. So much of what she had asked the Lord to do in me He had done. I wondered what she would think if she could see me now: an ordinary wife and mom of four, a Bible teacher, a lover of the Word, a humble and grateful pauper to the grace of the Lord. As I reflected over my life, with all its failures and victories both, I saw her legacy to me, a legacy passed down through the faithful, hidden intercession of a godly woman on her knees.

I wrote a post recently at my personal blog where I announced I was more than my motherhood. In that post I mentioned the seeming prevalence of women in current evangelical discussion both as subject and object: we discuss, we're being discussed. I quickly admit that my observation is just that: merely my observation and certainly not an official survey of the whole of the internet landscape concerning women. But, in the course of that same observation, I read much about women and their voice, more specifically the lack thereof.

I'm not sure exactly what is meant by voice, and surely it varies depending on who is writing and what they are lamenting. The plea for a voice seems to occur in two main contexts: 1) the cry for the female voice in our churches usually meaning a place of authority (the pulpit, more specifically) or 2) the mandate to use one's gift often implying a public voice: writing, blogging, speaking, and so on. In the second scenario the argument is often presented along the lines of "you've been gifted and the world needs your voice so get out there and _____" (fill in the blank with whatever sort of public platform one is supposed to engage with the gifted voice).

I think of the women like my faithful interceder, women who had a voice in my life and my spiritual journey, women the Lord used to grow me and teach me and challenge me and inspire me. Women like my mom who sat on the back porch in the early morning with her bible in her lap and prayers on her heart for us, her kids. Or the senior adult who taught me Sunday school back in one of my elementary years. I don't remember her name but I remember her love for the Lord, the dioramas we made, and that she cried when I told her my grandmother had died. I think too of the young college student who taught one of my high school Sunday school classes and her eager enthusiasm for the Word. Or my college minister's wife who modeled to me a strong woman of faith, a woman who knew the Word and who taught me by example that the Lord called women to serve Him too.

There have been so many women through the course of my journey who faithfully served me as they served the Lord. I am part of their legacy and their voices ring loud in my life and my heart. They had no large platform, no pulpit, no book or blog or speaking circuit. Most of what they taught me was not in some sort of official capacity but fleshed out in real life, one on one, their speaking the truth with love and conviction. They loved me and they loved Jesus and they were not silent. Their voices were strong and sure as they spoke grace and hope and joy to whomever and wherever the Lord granted opportunity.

And some of them prayed, their voices silent before men but loud before the throne of God.

Sisters, we are not muzzled. You have a voice. Maybe it's not the voice you think you want nor the audience you think you deserve. Be careful of falling into the trap of thinking gifting determines vocation. Love to teach? You don't have to have a pastorate or a podium to teach. Find a young mom or a group of college students and speak the truth in their lives. The world isn't necessarily awaiting your gift but someone in your sphere of influence is.

Years ago I taught a ladies' Bible study during the Sunday evening discipleship hour at my church. One Sunday night only two ladies showed up for class. I can't tell you how embarrassed I am to confess this, how heartsick I am over my selfish pride, but the truth of it is I didn't teach. You read that right. We didn't have class. We sat around for awhile--I suppose I was waiting for more to arrive--and finally we dispersed until time for the evening service to begin. I called my husband in the intervening break and when he asked how the class I went I said, "We didn't meet. No one showed up."

I am heartily ashamed of myself and I should be. I had a voice and I had two eager to hear and instead I despised the smallness of my ministry. I decided those two lives were no one. I'm certainly not claiming that my lesson would have been the end-all, be-all in those two young women's lives. What I am saying is this: I missed an opportunity to be a voice because I was blinded by my pride.

Speak. Serve. Declare the excellencies of Him who saves. You have a voice. Use it.

The Generation Gap

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)

This weekend was Disciple Now in my community. If you’re not familiar, Disciple Now is a mash-up of church camp, small group, and slumber party. We hosted seven high school girls over the weekend.

The command for the older women to teach the younger doesn’t have any conditions attached. It’s not something reserved for a select, specially gifted few. I’m not saying everyone has to start helping with the youth group, but all of us should be reaching out to the women coming along behind us.

And yet we don’t. We think we’re too busy or too tired or just don’t have anything to offer. We not only fail younger women when we do that, we miss out on the blessings that come when we build relationships with them. We also need to actively seek out those ahead of us. I still have a lot to learn. Being a 40-year-old mother of teenagers is not uncharted territory. I'm far too independent for my own good.

I was blessed immensely by having these girls in my home. I wondered why we cut ourselves off from other generations. As I mused over this, here are some of the things I considered.

Rumors of the generation gap are greatly exaggerated.

I was sixteen in 1988. No, I didn’t know what the internet was, and if you would have tried to explain a smart phone to me I would have thought you were talking about an episode of the Jetsons. But I was struck by how everything these girls did and said was just like my friends and me at the same age. They painted their nails and braided each other’s hair. They discussed boys, school, and menstrual cramps. They simultaneously crave and fear the freedom of adulthood. Pretty much like every generation that’s come before them.

No age group is inherently more sinful or righteous.

I started working in drug stores at the age of seventeen. The first shoplifter I ever encountered was a little white-haired lady who was older than my grandparents. Laziness, dishonesty, and general foolishness are human problems, not special sins reserved for young people.

Older people have been lamenting “kids these days” for decades (perhaps forever). I hated it when I was a kid, and I hate hearing people my age doing it. If you think the younger generation is a lost cause merely because of the date on their birth certificates, you are making far too much of your own era and far too little of the power of the Holy Spirit.

They’re not going to get everything right.

Our job as we mentor those younger than us is to teach them and point them to the truth. This, though, is a process. It took me years to obtain what little wisdom I have. Why should I expect these young girls to pick it up in a single Bible study session? Yes, they will sometimes say things that are foolish. So do we. Yes, they will have erroneous ideas about God and his word. So do we. We shouldn’t hold them in disdain just because they’re not as far along in their faith as we are.

We see this idea in Philippians 3:14-15: "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you." (emphasis mine)

We should always be pressing forward in our walk with God. We need to exhort and correct others. But God will reveal himself to those that are his. Some people insist on learning things the hard way. We should do what we can, but the end result is in God’s hands.

Though they need us, they need Jesus more.

People need to be loved. They need someone to tell them why they’re here. They need a Savior. The people who had the biggest influence in my life were not the ones who tried to be cool or cutting edge, but the people who listened to me and loved me, who offered gentle wisdom but still supported me when I ignored it and screwed up.

It’s a miracle that God could save a silly girl like me. It’s also a miracle that he can use a foolish, flawed woman to do his work. But that’s how he does things. To him alone be the glory.

Caring for Our Bodies for the Glory of God

When it comes to our children, mothers learn early the connection between our kids’ physical health and their emotions. Anyone who has dealt with a tired, hungry, or sick child knows how much those things affect children’s moods. Often, however, we tend to forget those things for ourselves.

Several months ago I went through a season where several stressful events happened in rapid succession. It wasn’t so much the amount of turmoil each one brought, but the pace that nearly did me in. Just as I was catching my breath, something else was popping up that I needed to deal with. When the storm clouds cleared, I found I wanted to do little more than sleep.

I realize now that much of my problem was how I had been neglecting my physical health. It eventually became a negative feedback loop. I felt rushed and stressed, so went without sleep. In my fatigue, I found myself reaching for food that was quick and easy. My poor diet made me feel even worse, and the cycle continued. These things didn't phase me when I was twenty, but things are different now.

We tend to fall into two extremes when it comes to our bodies. Sometimes we become obsessed with our health, mostly because of our appearance. Healthy eating becomes our functional god and a source of pride. But we also can find ourselves going to the other extreme. We neglect our bodies and tell ourselves that it’s really just the spiritual that matters.

Scripture, though, never tells us it’s okay to neglect our bodies. Instead, we are to care for our bodies. In God’s common grace, we understand that getting enough rest and eating healthfully affects our moods, emotions, and energy levels.

Now that I’ve gotten a better handle on what I’m eating, my entire outlook has changed. I no longer get up in the morning feeling groggy and sluggish. I’m sleeping better at night. I’m able to work more efficiently during the day. In other words, I’m better able to serve God and bring glory to him, whether it’s mopping the floor or teaching Sunday School.

I realize some women have health issues that are completely out of their control. If you are such a woman, you need to rest in God’s sovereignty and understand that he has a purpose for you in a season of illness. But many of us could be doing better. Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made. Let’s be mindful of how we care for our bodies as we offer ourselves up for the Lord’s service.