God makes a home for the lonely

As I write this, it is a cold and rainy December day not unlike a day nearly 10 years ago. I was going through one of the hardest seasons of my life. My husband had left our marriage, and my daughter and I felt very lost in the world. We had been out of church fellowship for a number of years. My family lived several states away, so even though we had a few Christian friends, we were essentially alone.  Scared and alone.

At the advice of a friend, I began reading some guy named Charles Spurgeon who I had heard of back in college. I was reading as much of the Bible as I could because it was my only source of hope. However, his writings awakened a hunger for sound teaching that I never had before. I read everything I could find online by this dead Baptist preacher, but I knew that wasn't enough. We needed to find a church, so we began visiting places in the area.

Some churches were too large. Some didn't use the Bible much at all. I was beginning to get desperate and resigned myself to attending a church our friends had returned to. Out of that desperation, I did an Internet search on "Reformed Baptist" churches in the area because Spurgeon was a Reformed Baptist, even though I didn't really know what that meant at the time. But if it was good enough for Spurgeon, it was good enough for me. I was surprised to have one entry show up in Google that was very close to our home.

So on the last Sunday of 2007, I drove the short distance to a little gray church I had driven by so many times. My daughter was away on visitation, so I braved going on my own. There were only about 20 people that dreary day, but they were so kind and welcoming. I didn't feel the awkwardness that would sometimes come over me when I visited other places solo. The interim pastor gave a simple message straight from the Word, and I heard exegesis for perhaps the first time in my life. I told my daughter we needed to go back the following Sunday, and she loved it as much as I did. Even though I was in all respects a stranger, it was like coming home because these brothers and sisters were family in Christ, and here we are 10 years later.

Some things have changed over the past decade. The Lord has led people out and brought more people in including lots and lots of children! The interim pastor who preached the first real sermon I ever heard and baptized my daughter is now in heaven with several dear saints who have gone ahead of us. The visiting preacher who filled the pulpit that baptism Sunday was called to be our pastor a few months later, and he is still faithfully shepherding us today. We're a group of ordinary people who need the ordinary means of grace as we journey, often stumbling on the pilgrim road. But our bond in Christ has kept us as we pray, weep, rejoice, and continue to grow together.

One verse I clung to during that tough time was "A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation," (Ps. 68:5) but the Psalm doesn't stop there. It continues with "God makes a home for the lonely." He has done that through this small local church for which I thank Him.

Photo credit:By LudwigSebastianMicheler (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Women in Scripture: Ruth and Naomi (Titus 2 in Reverse)

Ruth 1:16 But Ruth said (to Naomi), “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God."

Like most women, I've always had a particular affinity toward the portrait of redemption handed down in the story of Ruth. The sweeping tale of Boaz, the kinsman-redeemer, restoring the line of Elimelech by taking Naomi's daughter-in-law, Ruth, as his beloved wife upstages Disney by a mile. That such a noble man as Boaz would be willing to risk his own inheritance so that the inheritance of a deceased family member would be left intact defies conventional wisdom and truly boggles the rational mind. This is a man who understands love and covenant. Learning that the son of this Gentile widow and her kinsman-redeemer would not only become the grandfather of King David, but eventually would even be named in the bloodline genealogy of the Messiah, ought to inspire us all, especially those of us who were not born into the covenant and raised in the church.

An equally inspiring relational dynamic in this redemption story tends to be overlooked.  Ruth's relationship with her mother-in-law, Naomi, models something of a role reversal between the younger and older women. Both women suffered devastating losses, as told in first chapter of the narrative. During a time of great famine in the land of Moab, both Ruth and Naomi lost their husbands. Naomi suffered greatly in a land far from her original, because she not only lost her husband, but also both of her sons as well. Several times in the first chapter of Ruth, Naomi stated that she believed the Lord's hand had gone out against her. She even told Ruth and the other women to no longer call her Naomi, changing her name to "Mara" instead, which meant bitter. Naomi had grown bitter in Moab and believed the Lord had dealt bitterly with her by bringing great calamity upon her family.

After Naomi's pleas for Ruth to stay with her own family and with her Moabite god, Ruth, the younger woman, responded in a surprising way. Ruth, in faith, chose to bind herself to her mother-in-law Naomi, to Naomi's people, and to Naomi's God - the only One, true God. Ruth's dedication and commitment was no small sacrifice. Ruth chose to forsake her family, her ethnic culture, her past, and her previous belief system to follow Naomi into a completely different community and way of life.

Meanwhile, Naomi seemed have forgotten her true identity as child of the God. She lost her Biblical and covenantal perspective. Naomi's example is far from the Titus 2 ideal of the older woman of the covenant community. Yet, because of Ruth's covenant commitment to Naomi and her people, God not only restores Naomi to the covenant community, but He also provides a kinsman redeemer who blessed them both -- and eventually redeemed the rest of us, too. 

This was no ordinary friendship. The younger woman, Ruth, demonstrated real covenant commitment through active faith, love, and encouragement to the older woman, Naomi, to Naomi's people, and most especially to the Lord. Because of Ruth, the Lord redeemed the devastation that Naomi and Ruth experienced in Moab, while Elimelech and Naomi were separated from their covenant community. Because of Ruth, we see the Lord's providential provision to transform Naomi's life from an untimely tale of loss and discouragement to a phenomenal epic of life-giving rescue.  In this regard, the text and the older women in Naomi's life speak for themselves: 

Ruth 4:14 Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! 15 He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.”

We could use a new generation of younger women like Ruth who make the active decision to commit to their local covenant community and to the older women in their midst, like Naomi. During seasons of trial and suffering, whether dealing with the loss of a loved one, ill health, or just lagging faith, most older women could really use the energy and enthusiasm that younger women often bring to their interactions. As a middle woman, I feel the tug to be both a more committed younger woman, as well as a more gracious older woman. 

May I be willing to open up my life and share it with those who are newer in the faith -- and to sit, listen, and learn from the older and wiser women around me.

Love the church

Paul opens his letter to the Philippians with the greeting “to all the saints in Christ Jesus who are at Philippi, with the overseers and deacons.” (Phil. 1:1) From this salutation we can make a couple of observations. First, Paul writes to a group of believers, saints, who are in a physical location, at Philippi. In other words, he writes to a church. Not only does Paul write to this group of localized believers, but he specifically mentions overseers and deacons, both offices of church leadership.

So I think we can conclude that Paul is writing to a church that is local and is organized, important distinctions in our current age of disillusionment with both.

We can read on in Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and most any other New Testament epistle, and read of the importance of the church both in the life of the believer as well as in God’s plan for the world. Church, local and organized, is crucial.

And I imagine most of us would agree. We aren’t disillusioned with the idea of church so much as we are with the church in practice. We’ve been hurt or disappointed or betrayed. It’s easier to walk away. I understand. I’ve been there.

Consider again the New Testament epistles written to churches, local churches like yours and mine. Nearly all the letters address problems of one kind or another, some more serious than others. From selfish ambition and quarreling to sexual immorality, these churches struggled. Yet over and over Paul and James and Peter and the other authors encourage their readers to pursue love and unity and reconciliation. Not once do they recommend the reader take off on her own, that she is better without the church than with.

The Lord saves us for Himself and He saves us for the church. Messy and heartbreaking as it sometimes--often--is, we are called to love one another in the context of the accountability and fellowship of a local, organized church. We need the instruction, we need the interdependence, we need the church.

So love your church especially in her struggles. Love her people and pray for them. Find a way to serve and serve well. Maybe you will have to finally leave for another church because of irreconcilable gospel differences but may it be as a last resort. 

How I pray the Lord will help us all, in all our churches, to be faithful to follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ who loved the church and gave Himself up for her. May we see the glory of Lord in His church! Yes and amen!

When Church is Challenging

A little more than two years ago, my husband and I made a decision to leave our church. We'd spent 18 years celebrating, mourning, growing, and living with a wonderful group of people. We stood in the parking lot in tears after informing our pastor we were leaving. Anticipation accompanied grief, as we wondered where the Lord would providentially direct us. There were no local options; we would have to travel to find the place we were looking for. The third church we visited was located in a community 45 minutes away. It is the family to which the Lord brought us.In the past two years, we have learned some important lessons about church and about ourselves.

It has been hard.

There are many, many wonderful things about our church. Being joined with this body of believers has been good. Despite the protestations of the current church culture, difficulty and goodness are not mutually exclusive. They are often woven together inextricably. We know - we cling to - this truth. It sustains us when we might otherwise feel like giving up.

Feeling connected is one challenge we face. The daily-ness of Monday through Friday makes it easy to put relationships on the back burner. I text a couple of ladies periodically, but for the most part I am so wrapped up in my own life and family that I don't make the effort to build new friendships. I've not had to make such an effort before, but it is a glaring reality now. We have virtually no contact with our church family from Sunday to Sunday. No running into each other at school events, in the grocery store, or on the ball field. No spontaneous lunch or dinner dates. No "I was in the neighborhood" visits. The reason we sometimes feel entirely disconnected from the church community is that we are not part of its surrounding community.

Another challenge is our level of involvement. In our former church, my husband served as a deacon. We were active in the choir, in teaching Sunday School, and as members of various committees. Our daughter was a leader in the youth group. Being so active was a large part of our identity that we planned to bring with us. It didn't take long to realize that adding 1 1/2 hours to any meeting or activity is an obstacle that is sometimes too difficult to overcome, especially considering my husband spends roughly 11 hours commuting to work each week. Service shouldn't necessarily be convenient; nor should it be impractical. I fear that our lack of participation has been seen as reluctance because people don't fully understand the extent to which we are hindered by time and distance.

So yes, it has been hard. Yet we have made a covenant with this church family. A covenant that requires us to be committed church members. I thought I knew what a committed church member looks like; in the past, all I had to do was glance in the mirror. However, the Lord is showing me that my notions - while not wholly inaccurate - were far from complete. Being committed to a church is much more than regular attendance and leadership positions.

In his book What Is a Healthy Church Member?, Thabiti Anyabwile writes that the expressions of a committed member are: regular attendance (Heb. 10:24-25), peace-seeking (Rom. 14:19), edifying others (1 Cor. 12, 14), warning and admonishing others (Matt. 18:15-17), pursuing reconciliation (2 Cor. 5-18-21), bearing with others (Gal. 6:2), preparing for the ordinances, and supporting the work of the ministry (2 Cor. 8-9).

Dietrich Bonhoeffer also sets forth the ministries of those committed to the Christian community in his classic Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian in Community. They are: holding one's tongue (James 4:11-12), meekness (Rom. 12:3), listening, helpfulness, bearing (Col. 3:13), and proclaiming (James 5:20).

As I think about these characteristics - these charges - I'm learning that my commitment to the church is not measured by how many positions I hold or the number of committees I serve on. In fact, it's not measured by any thing I do. Rather, it is only the grace of the Holy Spirit expressing itself in my life that demonstrates my commitment to the church family where He has placed us.

"The church isn't a circle of friends, but the family of God," writes Michael Horton (source). When I first read that statement, I thought it sounded harsh. As I've continually pondered it, I've realized that Horton is exactly right. In our former church, we were more than friends with our fellow members; they comprised our entire social circle.  Bonhoeffer writes that the Christian "...belongs not in the seclusion of a cloistered life but in the thick of foes. There is his commission, his work." We had insulated ourselves from the secular world. As we've emerged from the church cocoon, the harshness of that reality has hit us with overwhelming force. We find ourselves stumbling, but reaching for God's strength all the more.

I knew joining a church that isn't local would be challenging, but I thought it would become easier with time. Two years later, my family is still wrestling. Perhaps we always will. While we love our pastor and our congregation, I must admit that if we thought of church as only a group of friends we would not have made this choice.  Knowing that our Sovereign God has joined us with this family, that we have a responsibility to them (and they to us), that we are part of a true church, and that He is sanctifying us in the process - these are what we thank Him for.   

It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed. Therefore, let him who until now has had the privilege of living a common Christian life with other Christians praise God's grace from the bottom of his heart. Let him thank God on his knees and declare: It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren.

(Bonhoeffer)

See the People

As children some of you probably recited the rhyme (with motions!), "Here is the church / here is the steeple / open the doors and see all the people." I thought of its simple truth as I reflected on the church and her influence on me. It's true: I see all the people.

• The senior adult who taught me in fourth grade Sunday school (I think). I remember the dioramas we made but more importantly I remember she cried when I told her my grandmother died.

• The elementary grade Sunday School teacher who gave me a pin for memorizing the Lord's Prayer. I wore that pin for ages.

• The college student whose excitement and passion for the things of God were revolutionary to me. And contagious.

• Malcom, the big former Texas football player, who taught me in ninth grade; from his class I will never forget that bad company corrupts good character, that I am known by the company I keep and that what I reap I will sow. The amount of Scripture he had committed to memory was astonishing to me.

• Trisha, my college minister's wife and my friend during those crazy college years, who modeled for me wisdom and intelligence. From her I learned that as a woman I could hear from and know God for myself and that He had a calling specifically for me.

And there are more, Sunday school teachers and leaders through the years who faithfully taught me the truth of God's Word. Most I cannot even remember their names, but I remember their love for me and their love for the Word. Their legacy, their faithfulness to the Lord, endures today. In me.

I am who I am because of the humble service of these saints of God.

We need the church. I need the church. You need the church. That's a truth for another post's exposition but it is undeniably the message of the Bible.

The Bible is also clear: the church needs you.

We need each other. If you belong to Christ you have been gifted by the Spirit to serve the church for the common good. There are varieties of gifts and varieties of services, but the same God who empowers (1 Cor. 12:4-7). Your church needs you to serve her people in the provision and grace of the Spirit. This is the privilege and responsibility--and joy!--of the saints.

It's interesting to me to note that as I catalog those individuals who profoundly affected my life and faith, it is most often the layperson, the humble Bible teacher, the Sunday school teacher who comes to mind first. They were not professionals. Those who influenced me most knew me, loved me, and served me in the context of relationship.

Will you be the Sunday school teacher who will love a group of young girls and who will cry with them in their grief? Will you infuse in teenagers the priority of Scripture? Or maybe you will rock babies in the nursery so their moms can enjoy a hours' respite and uninterrupted Biblical instruction. Maybe you can serve your church family as you cook. Maybe you could clean the toilets or vacuum the sanctuary.

Not sure of your gifting? Not sure where to serve? Ask. Find a need and fill it. Build relationships. See the people and love them as well as you can. As we do so may we see the Lord's glory in His church for His kingdom's sake!

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace... 1 Pet. 4:10

In Search of a True Church

This month my fellow ordinary theologians and I are discussing the church (you can read Kim's thoughtful introduction here).

Well then, the Children's Creed teaches us (as was said) that a Christian holy people is to be and to remain on earth until the end of the world...But how will or how can a poor confused person tell where such Christian holy people are to be found in this world?

- Martin Luther
quoted by Daniel R. Hyde
Welcome to a Reformed Church: A Guide for Pilgrims (103)

Luther's centuries-old question is one many Christians find themselves asking today. Maybe more so than in Luther's time.

Today the situation is more confusing, since so many organizations call themselves churches. We have everything from theological cults, such as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to thousands of garden-variety nondenominational churches, to the so-called "mainline" churches, and everything in between. The Belgic Confession's words are just as true today as they were when originally penned: "all sects which are in the world assume to themselves the name of the Church" (Art. 29). - Hyde (104)

So, indeed, how is a Christian - whether newly converted, newly relocated, or newly convinced of a need for change - to find a church? We must begin with what Scripture says about the church, with - as Derek Thomas calls it in his commentary on Acts - the "pattern of how the church ought to be." (55) .

And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts,praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47, ESV)

Does such a church exist in our fallen world? I have wondered that myself. In January 2013 my family left our church home of 18 years. Our search for a new one was at times arduous and frustrating. And, as we were grieving our loss, it was also painful. Despite our all-over-the-place emotions, the Lord was gracious enough to keep our focus on the goal: finding a true church to call home. He taught - and continues to teach - us some invaluable lessons along the way.

Anyone looking for a church home must take the matter seriously, and prayerfully. Whether finding your first church or simply (for whatever reason) another one, the process will require commitment, discernment, and - I know I am repeating myself here - prayer.

Certainly, it helps to know what you're looking for. Careful study of the doctrine of the church - and prayer - are a crucial foundation of any church search. Hyde sets forth three marks of the true church: pure preaching of the Gospel, pure administration of the sacraments, and church discipline. In his book Nine Marks of a Healthy Church, Mark Dever sets forth even more distinguishing marks of a healthy church: expositional preaching, biblical theology, the Gospel, a biblical understanding of conversion, a biblical understanding of evangelism, a biblical understanding of church membership, biblical church discipline, a concern for discipleship and growth, and biblical church leadership. Both books have a solid foundation of Scripture, and Dever's was tremendously helpful. (I have blogged about how Dever's book aided in our church search)

We had a clear vision because we had experienced it at the church we attend whenever we visit our nation's capital and we had spent time studying Dever's book. With our mental checklist - and prayer - we formulated a plan for our search. Instead of rushing into a commitment of the first church we visited, we determined to spend one month each at three different churches we had heard of before making our final decision. As we were completing the first two months, we realized the third church we'd planned to visit was no longer an option. We were at a loss. Providentially, the Lord directed our steps to another church we'd never heard of but that has become our church home. In many ways it is not what we expected, but it is where, as Luther wrote, Christian holy people are found.