It is vital that we remember the truths of the Gospel: First, there is no situation that is not "under control," for Christ "rules over all things for the sake of his body, the church (Eph. 1:22). Second, not only is the situation under control, but God is at work in it doing the good that he has promised to do (Rom. 8:28). So I do not need to control my teenager's every desire, thought, and action. In every situation he is under the sovereign control of Christ, who is accomplishing what I cannot. Third, I need to remember the goal of my parenting is not to conform my children to my image, but to work so that they are conformed to the image of Christ! My goal is not to clone my tastes, my opinions, and my habits in my children. I am not looking for my image in them; I long to see Christ's.
We cannot consider the teenage years, with their tumult and struggle, without honestly looking at what we, as parents, bring to the struggle. If our hearts are ruled by comfort, respect, appreciation, success, and control, we will unwittingly hunger for our teens to meet our expectations instead of ministering to their spiritual needs. Instead of seeing moments of struggle as God-given doors of opportunity, we will view them as frustrating, disappointing irritants, and we will experience growing anger against the very children to whom we have been called to minister.
~Paul David Tripp,
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, p. 38