In a perfect world, Christian parents would teach their children the gospel, and it would be embraced quickly, and without incident. Children would go seamlessly from childhood to godly adulthood without a blip on the screen.
As we know, we don't live in a perfect world. And the reality is that good Christian parents raise children who give them some sleepless nights and break their hearts. I know what that is like. If you have children who never gave you a moment's trouble, praise God for it! But for those of us who have had children who stray or struggle in their faith, it can be extremely painful. We feel shame and guilt. We may feel anger. But we must not despair. For those who may be in the midst of that kind of season, here are some thoughts.
Don't Take All the Blame
If you blame yourself for their sins, does that mean you take the glory when they don't sin? Think about that. If you failed to preach the gospel to your children or made mistakes, repent of them. Ask God for forgiveness. If necessary, ask your children to forgive you. But remember that our children make their own decisions. It is part of their spiritual growth to take ownership of their faith.
Don't Compare Them to Others
It's tempting when our kids are struggling spiritually to look longingly at the families who seem perfect. Don't give in to that. It can lead to bitterness toward our own children and it prevents us from feeling gratitude for what God has given us. Would you want your husband comparing you to another woman?
Don't Ask "What Will People Think?"
That is a bad question. And especially don't verbalize that to your child. Our concern is not what people will think of us. What is important to us is our child's relationship with God. Worrying about what others think makes the matter about us, and it's not about us. It can create an adversarial situation between us and our children if we worry about them making us look bad.
Be careful when you share details of your child's struggle; the fewer details the better. Respect your child's privacy. Find one or two people you trust and who can keep a confidence. Ask people to pray without giving details. We don't always need to know the details. I think it goes without saying that social media is not a place to hash out your struggle with your child.
Focus On Your Own Walk With Christ
While we will always be their mother, there comes a point when we have to step back and focus on other areas of service. Dwelling only on the issues with our children robs us of opportunities to serve and ultimately can stunt our own growth. We're not abandoning them, but really, there is only so much we can do. "Delight yourself in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; and he will give you the desire of your heart" (Ps 37:4-5).
Trust God With the Burden
Pray. Trust God. Don't despair. Some days it is harder than others, but is really is the best response. It will remind us of who is really in control. Aren't you glad that God is control and we aren't? I am. Keep looking to Christ. "Cast your burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken" (Ps 55:22).
And above all, love your children. Love them when you don't understand why they are doing what they're doing. Love them when you're frustrated, angry, and hurt. Think of tangible ways to show love. These children are ours, after all, given to us, not someone else. Remember that God is in control and more than able to bear the burden.